Did You Find What You Were Looking For
by taiyourshoes
Summary: Everyone knows of Harry Potter and his stories, but what do we know about his parents? This is the story of Lily Evans and James Potter as you see them fighting their own demons to find exactly what they were looking for... in each other.
1. A Question

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own any names, places, or things from the Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Did You Find What You Were Looking For?  
  
Chapter 1: A Question  
  
By: Taiyourshoes  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A quiet silence falls between us as I stare down at the ring he is holding out to me.  
  
It isn't that I don't love James, because I know there is no other word to describe my feelings for him, but it doesn't change the fact that we're nineteen, and I'm scared.  
  
It's only been two years since we even became friends... Can I say I love him yet?  
  
Can I say I want to be with him forever yet?  
  
His eyes look so serious, so nervous. Is this James Potter? the same boy who was always first to tell a joke and last to care whether anyone laughed?  
  
I can feel the seconds rest in between us like minutes. The silence is almost unbearable, and I just want us to be talking again.  
  
How could we go from talking about Sirius's immaturity to marriage?  
  
"James..."  
  
My voice is weak and pathetic. It feels like glass in my throat, that, if I speak too loudly, it will shatter.  
  
"Lily." His voice is uncertain, hopeful, fearful... His face is etched with horror. I can't let him down...  
  
But I can't say yes either.  
  
I'm nineteen, he's nineteen, and we have our whole lives ahead of us.  
  
But...  
  
His captivating, trusting, warm hazel eyes are looking into my green ones so intently, so warily...  
  
The soft glow of the moon penetrates through the window, and casts shadows on his face.  
  
What would I do without James, anyway? Aren't we going to end up together anyway?  
  
What will it matter if we marry now or later?  
  
I think back, and remember...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Taiyourshoes: I know, it's incredibly short, but it's a start! Thank you so much for reading! Review please! 


	2. School Ahead, Spiders Above

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor claim to own, any of J.K. Rowling's characters, places, ideas, or anything of her own creation. I do, however, claim my original characters, a great majority of this story line, and my left shoe if anyone ever finds it.  
  
Note: I will be bouncing between 1979 in Lily and James' points of views, and 1977 in third person. Indeed, it will be confusing, but this is the way I write.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Did You Find What You Were Looking For?  
  
Chapter 2: School Ahead, Spiders Above  
  
By: Taiyourshoes  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Hogwarts, 1977  
  
Lily Evans walked through Platform Nine and Three-quarters just as the whistle from the train blew. She gave a quick glance around at the straggling students now bustling towards the entrance doors.  
  
And then she spotted him.  
  
James Potter stood at the other end of the platform, laughing with his immature cohorts while showing them his shiny Head Boy badge.  
  
Lily sneered a little before joining the students at the train doors.  
  
Of course, she had known dear little big-head Potter would be Head Boy; she had predicted it for years.  
  
But that didn't lessen the fact that she was furious.  
  
James Potter was a fantastically brilliant, unusually bright, student at Hogwarts.  
  
However, he was also the cruelest, bullying boy she had ever met.  
  
He had always been rather taken with hexing the Slytherins as a sort of twisted sport, and thought messing up his hair was the most dashing thing a boy could do.  
  
Still, Lily knew he would be best for the Head Boy position, with his brains and overall Hogwarts spirit.  
  
"Why, good morning, Miss Evans," James said brightly, walking up behind her with a large smile.  
  
"Hullo, Potter," she replied with an unenthusiastic yawn. It wasn't that she hated James or preferred absolutely no conversation with the boy, but she thought it best that she didn't give him an opportunity to say anything rude to her as he had always done in the past.  
  
She heard him saying something else to her, but a shrill whistle drowned out his voice, and she took this opportunity to shove aside a few fifth years to get away from him.  
  
She stumbled into the front compartment, where James Potter would meet her in a few minutes anyway. She let out a sigh as she took a seat and got out a large piece of parchment.  
  
Ever since she had gotten her letter stating she'd be Head Girl, a sort of furious pride took her and she couldn't help but pre-arrange all the things Hogwarts might do that year. Besides, if she was trusted with such a position, why be unprepared?  
  
A few Prefects from Ravenclaw walked in and gave her a small wave, and, upon noticing her Head Girl badge, congratulated her for her position.  
  
"Any idea who the head boy might be?" asked Abigail O'Brien, a seventh year Ravenclaw Prefect, conversationally.  
  
Lily preferred not to answer that, for fear that saying she'd be working with the bullying toe-rag all year would actually make it true.  
  
She parted her lips to reply anyways, when none other than James Potter himself walked in through the compartment and smiled congenially at them all.  
  
"That would be me, O'Brien," and, noticing their shocked expressions, "but I assure you, this will not disrupt my need to prank."  
  
A few of the rather giggly girls in the compartment laughed as they turned to see Lily's reaction.  
  
She was giving him a rather sarcastic smile as she ruffled through a few of the plans in her lap. With her attention on her pieces of parchment, she said:  
  
"And how fun will it be that, whenever you do anything against the rules, I'll be there to catch your every move, Potter? You're Head Boy now, and with that comes extreme responsibility."  
  
Lily stopped her tiny speech when she heard a few people sniggering at her expense.  
  
"What?" she asked, looking to them with her brows furrowed.  
  
A few students pointed above her head. Not really wanting to see what was there, but figuring the result of the problem must lie somewhere in the mind of James Potter, she turned to him.  
  
Wand pointed directly over her head, eyes glittering with humor, he stood there.  
  
She dared a glance upwards.  
  
Immediately she wished she hadn't.  
  
Lily had always had a ridiculous phobia of spiders of any kind: live ones, stuffed ones, large ones, small ones, black ones, poisonous ones. it mattered not. In any case, she was deathly afraid of any insect with eight legs and a spider-like body.  
  
So, when she saw the large, hairy spider levitating over her head, she screamed like a banshee and ran out of the compartment.  
  
Oh yes, Mr. James Potter was mature indeed, and would be an absolute joy to work with.  
  
Prat.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Taiyourshoes: Again, short, but you have to get the ball rolling somewhere!  
  
And I'd like to thank the reviewers out there. I'm sorry that my writing style is a bit confusing, and ridiculously choppy at times, but I beg you to bear with me. Stick around for chapter three, and review please! 


	3. Cretins and Purebloods

Disclaimer: I disclaim all names of characters, places, and things, from the Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Did You Find What You Were Looking For?  
  
Chapter 3: Cretins and Purebloods  
  
By: Taiyourshoes  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lily sat, hyperventilating, in an empty compartment in the back of the train. Every once in a while, she'd swat above her head, just to make sure nothing was there.  
  
Despite the fact that Lily had never hated anyone in her life, she at least disliked James Potter. . . with a burning, raging, unstoppable passion.  
  
It was just so kind of him to remind her why.  
  
"Miss Evans?" Abigail O'Brien asked through the door.  
  
Lily shook her head furiously. She had to pull herself together, for reputation's sake.  
  
It took quite a bit to scare Lily Evans. She showed seemingly no weaknesses, had an air of spunk to her, and would always be willing to help out in Care Of Magical Creatures, even with the scarier animals.  
  
But she drew the line at spiders.  
  
And she hated that James Potter knew that.  
  
"Coming. . ." Lily mumbled, giving the top of her head one last healthy swipe.  
  
She slid open the compartment door, glancing at Abigail for a moment before peering to the left and right of her, just to make sure the Head Boy wasn't planning something deviant.  
  
"Looking for something, Miss Evans?" Came a drawling voice down the narrow hall. It was none other than Connor Rosier, a Slytherin of the same year. He had a pug-like nose and large, glittering blue eyes. His fair straw hair was neatly combed back in a style unique to any pureblood, high-class family, and his Hogwarts robes were clean and pressed.  
  
"Nothing, really, Rosier. . ." Lily gave a last glance around her head to make sure it was spider-free. "Good summer?"  
  
She and Rosier had always been on quite good terms, despite the tiny battles their houses would have with one another. Although Lily represented everything a true Gryffindor should be, and Connor was a Slytherin to boot, both had been partners in Potions since their first year, and had learned to be civil, if not friendly, towards one another.  
  
"Just fine. . ." He glanced at Abigail O'Brien, who was looking quite awkward, being in the middle of their after-summer-catch-ups. "And may I inquire as to why this little Ravenclaw is acting as your shadow?"  
  
Abigail gave him a definitive scowl before bidding Lily farewell and stalking off towards the front compartment.  
  
Lily shook her head at him, giving a slight sigh. "You know, you ought to stop picking on people like that. It really can't gain you very much popularity."  
  
He shrugged. "I heard you screaming. What might cause Miss Lily Evans to scream?"  
  
He actually looked interested as he put his hands behind his back, swaying slightly on the balls of his feet.  
  
"The sight of James Potter's face after a nice, long, pleasant summer away."  
  
Rosier chuckled softly. "Indeed."  
  
He glanced at the place on her shirt that usually held her Prefect badge.  
  
"Why, Miss Evans, you're Head Girl?"  
  
To this, Lily smiled. She nodded her head proudly as she leapt into her story of how she had gotten her badge.  
  
". . .So my sister, Petunia -Have I mentioned her before? I thought so-was helping me make one of those little biscuits for teatime- and I'm awful at cooking, mind-when a school owl comes swooping through the window. And, well, she isn't very used to owl post, and was away at camp all the other times I got an owl, so she screamed and. . ." Lily broke out into a little giggle; "she grabbed a bunch of biscuit dough and threw it at the poor thing! I'm surprised I was even allowed to be Head Girl after knocking one of the schools best owls into my kitchen tin!"  
  
Rosier chortled along. He was used to her little anecdotes by now, and was actually rather fond of them. From what he could tell, Lily had a perfectly quaint little life in the muggle world with her parents and older sister, who Lily considered to be her best friend in the world.  
  
"Well, I'm glad you can find humor the injuring of a fine school owl, Miss Evans." He said this dryly, but Lily was used to his sarcastic remarks and didn't take this offensively.  
  
However. . .  
  
"Is this cretin bothering you, Lily?"  
  
It was Peter Pettigrew, a fellow Gryffindor of her year. He was one of James Potters little band of pranksters, but always seemed a bit outside of their immature jokes on the school. Rather, he struck Lily as more of a tag-along without any particular place to go.  
  
Lily opened her mouth to tell him no, when Rosier pivoted the other way to face the pudgy boy. She was sure she heard Peter gulp as he stepped back in fear.  
  
"Mind your own business, Squib. And since when have you ever thought you were good enough to insult a proper wizard, when you can't even levitate a feather?"  
  
Peter stuttered as he stared between his eyes at the finger Rosier was pointing at him.  
  
Lily cringed slightly, sensing the bit of violence about to ensue the train's corridor in a matter of seconds. She briskly walked towards the two boys and lowered Rosier's pointed hand.  
  
"Rosier, Peter didn't mean it. He probably heard Potter say it about someone, and decided to find out what cretin meant." She glanced apologetically at Peter. "And I'm certain he's figured out it's nothing nice."  
  
Peter nodded furiously. Lily guessed his sudden nerve to be Gryffindor about the situation had died as soon as he suspected real danger. His cowardice seemed to be one of his more pathetic qualities. . . that, and his lack of good judgment in situations.  
  
"Miss Evans, he's begging for a hex. Shouldn't I be kind enough to give it to him?"  
  
Lily gave him a stern look, which was said to resemble that of Professor McGonagall, the Deputy Headmistress, before taking Peter's hand and leading him away from Rosier.  
  
"I'll see you tomorrow in Potions, Rosier."  
  
And, however faintly, he heard him hiss towards Peter, "Little Mudbloods won't always be there to protect you. . ."  
  
Slytherin and Gryffindor definitely didn't compliment each other's personalities.  
  
~*~*  
  
"Peter, what in the name of Merlin gave you the impression you needed to say something like 'Cretin' back there? Rosier is a Slytherin, and you know Slytherin's don't play nice at insults."  
  
Peter looked hesitant about telling her.  
  
"I. . . I made a promise to myself to start acting more Gryffindor this year, since this is my last and final year at Hogwarts to prove I'm every bit as brave and courageous as the rest of the boys in our house. However. . . I guess my dominant Hufflepuff bloodline just never dies."  
  
Lily couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for him. All the Pettigrews tended to be Hufflepuff, and he had already planned on how to meet friends in a perfectly Hufflepuff manner when he got to school. Surprisingly, the Sorting Hat saw more sense of bravery in him than Peter saw in himself, and put him in Gryffindor. And, then he was forced to make friends with dear James Potter and the gang, where, even under their influence, he couldn't meet Gryffindor standards.  
  
"Thank you for trying to save me anyway, Peter. It was sweet." She gave him a soft smile, before it was quickly replaced by one of sour distaste. "But you wouldn't happen to know anything about your friend's little 'spider-floating' he pulled on me a few ticks back?"  
  
Peter's worried expression tuned to one of amusement as he thought of it.  
  
"Oh, yes! He's been planning that one for a while. He found out you had a phobia of spiders and. . . and. . ." He noticed Lily's furious expression and shut up abruptly.  
  
"It is situations like that that you should take to saving people, Pettigrew." Lily commented deprecatingly.  
  
Peter gulped. "Noted, Miss Evans."  
  
She nodded, before waving him off into a compartment as she made her way back to the front compartment.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Taiyourshoes: Of course, Petunia hates Lily and they never spoke. But how do you think that happened? Well, I love Lily and James romances, but I like relationships of all kinds. So. Part of this will be about Lily and Petunia and what happened there.  
  
Much love to those who reviewed and read! 


	4. Passwords

Disclaimer: I disclaim all names of characters, places, and things, from the Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Did You Find What You Were Looking For?  
  
Chapter 4: Passwords  
  
By: Taiyourshoes  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lily carefully pushed a strand of red from her face as she glanced down the length of the Gryffindor table. The feast had started, she had been introduced as head girl, James as head boy, and everyone seemed perfectly content with stuffing their faces with assortments of pies and other sweets.  
  
Perhaps she was just paranoid, but despite the number of distracted faces she saw along the row—none looking at her—she felt as though she were being watched. She shivered a bit.  
  
"Still shaken about the spider incident?" Remus Lupin, a fellow Gryffindor and Prefect asked concernedly. From his place adjacent to her, he looked rather pale and sickly, and Lily had the suspicion that he'd be out sick for the first few Prefect meetings that were to take place that week.  
  
"It's got nothing to do with that, but thanks for reminding me of that lovely Potter-invoked prank." Lily took a sip of her pumpkin juice and glanced around again, searching for a face gazing back. When she was satisfied that no one was watching her she rounded on Lupin with an apologetic smile. "Didn't mean to be rude, sorry. Just, your friend really gets under my skin sometimes."  
  
He nodded, taking a roll from the basket laid before him. "James can do that to a girl."  
  
Lily almost took offense to this, simply because she hated being nothing more than "a girl" in the eyes of... anyone, but decided Lupin was looking too gentlemanly to have meant harm in his statement. Besides, it was true, James tended to be on the mind of girls a lot. A lot.  
  
"Yes, well, where is your friend anyways? I'd hope he'd be here, ready to give the Prefects instructions with me." Lily paused. "As head boy and all."  
  
"No idea," Lupin said, eyes zooming about the table as Lily's had been doing all night. "The boy's got a short attention span—He's probably off sending an owl or something."  
  
Lily fell silent. Was "sending an owl" code for "hexing a poor first year in the corridor?"  
  
"I'll be right back."  
  
She rose from the table, eyes roving over the entire hall and to the other tables, searching for a sign of a scruffy-haired someone. However, her eyes caught something else; two other eyes, beady, black eyes, staring directly at her only a few feet away. She tried to dart away from him, but he caught her at the door.  
  
"I need passwords, Evans," said Severus Snape in a greasy manner. His hooked nose loomed down at her. Lily Evans usually tried to stay on fairly good terms with everyone of her year, but this was completely impossible in two cases in particular. James Potter was one and Severus Snape was the other.  
  
"You haven't been glaring at me all night, have you?" Lily asked, wondering if she had been right in her suspicions that someone watching her.  
  
"Don't flatter yourself, Evans. Passwords?"  
  
Lily blushed slightly, hardening her expression as her spunk flared up within her.  
  
"Sorry, can't do a thing without Potter. The job is half his after all. And I'd just like to register that it might do well for you to talk in a civil manner to me this year, as you always try to." The last bit was drenched in sarcasm. "I'll find Potter for you."  
  
She continued out the door, hurrying along in hopes that Snape would stay far behind her. Ever since he called her a Mudblood—for the third time, anyway—she decided it wasn't worth her time to care about his thoughts or opinions. He always had something condescending to say and she didn't really appreciate it.  
  
Lily didn't have too go far, for she reached the marble staircase after only a few hurried steps, where she found Mr. James Potter making his way down. He caught sight of her.  
  
"All right, Evans?" He inquired, smiling that charming smile of his. He was tucking something away in his robes in an almost mischievous way.  
  
"We have to tell the Prefects the house passwords now."  
  
"Right you are. It's a good thing you're clever, isn't it? Never could have remembered after all that lecturing in the train." James screwed up his face and put on a high falsetto. "And don't you dare miss a meeting, because I don't have time for a head boy who doesn't take his job seriously. And we have to talk to the Prefects tonight. Remember that. Remember to remember the meetings and to talk to the Prefects and to run the bloody school because I know you just won't remember and I can't have my reputation on the line. Can you remember that?"  
  
"You put a spider in my hair so I was angry," she said dryly, not willing to give into any sort of guilt trip from James Potter. "And you weren't in the Great Hall, as you should be, so don't scold me for trying to... remind you of your duties. And I don't talk like that."  
  
James snorted, truly entertained by his affect on her. He knew her I'm- going-to-pretend-you-aren't-bothering-me face better than his middle name, and she was wearing a very impressive degree of it at that moment.  
  
"If you say so," he said, still in his mock-Lily voice.  
  
~*~*~*~*  
  
"...and each slip of paper has your respective house passwords on them. Got that? If it's illegible, blame your head girl. She seemed to like the idea of "water-as-ink" so I hope they haven't dried yet."  
  
There were scuffles as prefects hurried to read their passwords by holding them up to the torches in the Entrance Hall. Lily tutted loudly as a few Prefects gave her disbelieving glares.  
  
James smiled at the gullible tendencies of the school prefects. "I was joking. Miss Practical here wouldn't go for the idea." The Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw girls giggled as they folded their papers back up, satisfied that they were in no danger of losing their precious house password.  
  
"Thank you, Mr. Serious," Lily commented, rolling her eyes. "Meeting tomorrow after dinner, seventh year prefects" –she gestured at Remus, Abigail, and a few others—"will patrol the halls tonight until every last straggler is back in bed. Good night to you all."  
  
The prefects began mumbling to each other as they swung their bags over their shoulders, preparing to walk back into the Great Hall to gather the first years. Lily made to follow them when she felt someone tugging on her sleeve.  
  
"Yes, Potter?"  
  
"Just curious if you were going to smother me in my sleep for picking on you a bit. If looks could kill, you'd be forced to wear sunglasses," he decided, reminding her of the scowls she'd given him throughout the night.  
  
"I wouldn't find the time between checking to see if you put rats on my pillow or something very... Potterly."  
  
James laughed again. Lily didn't know why, but his laugh was almost soothing to hear. It was one that told you, despite everything cruel he might do, it's all meant in jest.  
  
"I would never. Besides, can't get into the girls' dorms anyway, now can I?"  
  
"Not to say you wouldn't try..."  
  
"Again, right you are Miss Evans. You are just too clever! And you wonder why I'm so smittened!"  
  
With those parting words, he made his way back into the Great Hall, leaving Lily with a funny feeling in the pit of her stomach. She always felt this way after a civil conversation with James Potter, when he wasn't jinxing someone to get her attention or teasing her mercilessly.  
  
Deciding the feeling was too foreign, she swallowed and hoped it would dissolve and she'd forget that feeling once again.  
  
She never did, and she would find that for the rest of the year and so long after, she never would. In a weird way, just by a little comment made by a boy always willing to give her so many others, Lily's eyes had locked onto a boy with scruffy hair and hazel eyes, and she just couldn't turn away.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Taiyourshoes: That took years! Well, what can one do when they are extraordinarily lazy? It's Spring Break, so my updates should be a little more frequent. And I know, what a boring chapter? But I have a plan and things should get a little more interesting in the next chapter or so.  
  
Thank you to the people who reviewed and read! 


	5. Nostalgia

Disclaimer: I disclaim all names of characters, places, and things, from the Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Did You Find What You Were Looking For?  
  
Chapter 5: Nostalgia  
  
By: Taiyourshoes  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
1979  
  
Lily has that expression on her face; the one that always tells me she's thinking and drifting off into those nostalgic thoughts of hers.  
  
I really hope her thoughts are in my favor.  
  
I wish she'd just answer me. I hope that the answer is yes.  
  
Why am I even bothering with this? Things were just fine with me carrying around the ring like a maniac for a year and a half, weren't they? I didn't have to put my self through this, did I?  
  
Sirius told me if she's worth it, she's worth it.  
  
Well, she's worth it.  
  
Those dazzling green eyes of hers are sparkling and unfocused, and her eyebrows—those perfect eyebrows to go with her perfect face—are furrowed slightly. I wonder what she's thinking.  
  
There should have been classes on how to figure out women back at Hogwarts. It certainly would have been more helpful than Divination.  
  
I can hear a clock ticking in the other room. Isn't it weird that you don't notice those sounds, like a clock ticking, a faucet dripping, a muggle airplane flying overhead, until there's nothing else to hear and you need a distraction?  
  
It's then that the sound drives you crazy.  
  
Or maybe it's just a certain red-haired someone who's driving me crazy. Just answer the question Lily. Don't make me beg.  
  
I've never been very patient.  
  
I'll give her time though. She's always been a thinker, which was one of the millions of reasons I fell for her in the first place. Well, can she think any faster?  
  
Stop being impossible James, she'd say if she heard me now. Or maybe she'd just drop me and say she couldn't take the pressure.  
  
It's a good think she was never that good at Legilimency then, isn't it?  
  
Wow, the things you're grateful for when the pressures on...  
  
Is the ring getting heavier? Maybe she should take it then instead of reliving a past that should just be left at that... Unless, of course, it's something about how dashing and charming I am. If that's the case, think on, m'dear, think on.  
  
And don't forget to remember when you admitted you loved me. That was fun.  
  
I wonder what she's thinking now? I bet it's something completely un-James related, and I'm just on my knees for no reason.  
  
Did she forget I'm down here?  
  
I was really scared at first, and maybe I'm still scared, but I'm not gonna admit that. Nope, not me, a Potter.  
  
Are you going to join me, Lily? Lily Potter. Sounds good to me.  
  
Well I can remember too, Lily. And because I can remember, you'll just have to say yes.  
  
Because no matter what you say tonight even, you'll say yes some day.  
  
I know this because I know you, Lily. I know the way your eyes sparkle when you're thinking; I know the way you scowl at me but smile all the same; I know the way you feel when I hug you and I know you want it to last forever.  
  
I know because I feel the same way too.  
  
Seventh year was a huge milestone in our friendship and in our lives. Is it wrong if I want to spend the rest of my life with you? Is it wrong if I remember that milestone too, and everything that followed it?  
  
I can remember too, Lily. I can remember too...  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Taiyourshoes: Yay for James. That's all I'm saying.  
  
Thank you to the people who reviewed and read! 


	6. The Glow of Her Eyes

Chapter 6  
  
Disclaimer: I disclaim all names of characters, places, and things, from the Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Did You Find What You Were Looking For?  
  
Chapter 6: The Glow of Her Eyes  
  
By: Taiyourshoes  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
1977  
  
"You really don't mind, James? Being head boy and all, I'd think you'd be a little scared to break the rules."  
  
"Just because you're a baby doesn't mean Prongs is, Moony."  
  
"Shut up, you two. I don't mind, of course I'm not a baby, and I have the map, don't I?"  
  
James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Sirius Black sat up in their dorm rooms, ogling over a worn bit of parchment. It was this piece of parchment that James had left at Hogwarts before the summer break, hidden behind the mirror on the fourth floor, and had retrieved at dinner. It was this parchment that aided the Marauders in their tomfoolery conducted throughout the school, particularly around the Slytherin House in the dungeons.  
  
In fact, this piece of parchment wasn't a worn piece of parchment at all—or at least, that wasn't all it was. This piece of parchment was none other than the Marauder's Map, written by the four Marauders, Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs to help them conduct mischief throughout the school.  
  
"Well, where's Peter then?" Sirius Black, a dark haired, handsome boy of the Maruader foursome, inquired, eyes darting about the room in search of their pudgy friend.  
  
"Still shaken up by something Rosier said earlier. I swear, you'd think he wasn't Gryffindor sometimes, wouldn't you?" Remus said sympathetically, drawing out his wand in order to activate the Marauder's Map. He made his face up in distaste before muttering, "Snape's a git," a password devised by James Potter himself.  
  
The parchment seemed to draw itself, lines branching out from the point where Lupin's wand had made contact with it. The entire Hogwarts vicinity was quickly etched out by the map as the three Marauder's present watched it in silence, assuring themselves that the map worked fine after their two months away from it.  
  
They never liked to part with their dandy piece of parchment, but they had no use for it over the summer and they knew they'd end up lighting it on fire with "muggle magic," or magic magic, now that they were adult wizards—therefore legally permitted to use magic outside of school—, if they brought it home with them.  
  
"Flawless," James muttered appreciatively, giving the map a pat. "And see how eagerly it responded to 'Snape's a git?' I told you to go with something it'll understand."  
  
Sirius nodded before pointing out a dot on the map. "And look, Peter's in the hospital wing, the bugger. What d'you reckon happened there?" He was getting a sort of hungry dog look on his face. If Peter's hospitalization had anything to do with a Slytherin, rest assured, Sirius would be on the case faster than a dog on a rabbit, which was more or less what Sirius considered any situation regarding a Slytherin.  
  
"Maybe Rosier finished off the hex properly?" Remus shrugged, hoping Sirius—and James now, seeing his manic glances between his best friend and the Slytherin dorms on the map—would forget the whole situation. Of course he wanted to avenge his friend, but he hated when it involved far more violence than necessary.  
  
"I've got Slytherin passwords," James sang cheerfully, drawing out a little piece of parchment. "Came up with it myself, actually. Does it tickle your fancy, Padfoot?"  
  
Sirius glanced down at the paper in James's hand and smiled. "They'll be thrilled. 'A snake's a snake, so go jump in a lake.' Immature and annoying, Snape'll love it."  
  
Remus tried hard not to roll his eyes.  
  
"Feel like releasing a few of the Slytherin mascots into their commons, Moony?" James asked heartily, already crossing the room to draw out his invisibility cloak.  
  
"Oh, I quite believe I'm too tired now, friends," Remus half-lied. "Full Moon's tomorrow, I'll just wait here for Peter if it's all the same to you."  
  
Sirius shrugged and pocketed the Marauder's Map as James dug through his trunk in search of his family heirloom. "Suit yourself, Moony. If you don't want to disturb the sleeping hours of several of our serpent friends, be endlessly hexed by the angry snakes when the wake up, and face a week or two of detention, it's your loss."  
  
With a little mock-disappointed wave, Remus leapt onto his bed and closed the curtains around him.  
  
Closing the door behind them, James and Sirius glanced around to make sure no one was watching before pulling the cloak over their six foot something frames.  
  
"D'you get the impression Moony's getting a bit too old for all this?" Sirius asked thoughtfully as they made their way down the stairs. "I mean, maybe we all are, are we?"  
  
James appeared to deliberate the point before giving his reply. "Remember in fifth year, when Moony was first made prefect?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Remember how we laid off for a while and thought we'd give it a rest for his sake?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"You remember how long it lasted on any of our parts?"  
  
"Half an hour. Snape was in the corridor and we jinxed him."  
  
"Right you are. Was Moony angry?"  
  
"I don't think so."  
  
"Then his 'I'm too tired' just means, 'I'll meet you there with the snakes and all.' You just wait."  
  
~*~*~*  
  
The two boys were halfway to the school grounds to fetch some snakes when they heard a dainty little sneeze around the corner. James all but jumped out of his skin at this as he pulled Sirius away from the collision course, just in time to avoid a traipsing Abigail O'Brien. The small girl's arms were crossed in a very harassed manner as she muttered words under her breath to the affect of, "I'll show him little Ravenclaw..."  
  
"Oh right," James moaned to Sirius' right. "Seventh year prefects patrol tonight, Padfoot. Miss Perfect Lily announced that this evening."  
  
James cursed a little under his breath, realizing Snape would be quite out of bed, and quite aware of two boys lugging a barrel of snakes into the Slytherin commons.  
  
"All the more devilish, don't you think?" Sirius said nonchalantly, watching Abigail's form slip around the next corner of the corridor.  
  
"Of course, my friend. But that means we can't bamboozle Snivellus while he's there to feel the full affect."  
  
This wasn't really what was bothering James. Knowing Lily as well as he hoped he did, he realized she'd be patrolling right now as well, hawk-like eyes and bat-like ears searching the castle with a vengeance to prove herself head girl worthy. Or worse, she'd be knocking on Remus' door, trying to get him to patrol with her. What would she do when she found three empty beds—though Peter had an excuse—in the dorm room of the infamous Marauders, the biggest troublemakers of all time thus far?  
  
James was fairly certain his absence would gain him no points in the eyes of the fiery redhead.  
  
"No worries. Maybe we can pounce on him while he's patrolling and confuse the grey pants right off him."  
  
"Would you want to...?"  
  
"I won't look." Sirius procured the map from his robes and looked it over. "Coast is clear. We can make it to the Entrance Hall without any problems from Filch or his new kitty. What's the name? Miss Norman?"  
  
James shrugged, smiling mischievously. A rush of adrenaline was taking him, causing him to forget caution and the opinions of that little emerald- eyed beauty for a moment. The thrill of danger and possible detention; what could be better?  
  
The two took off for the Entrance Hall, where they warily opened the doors and stepped into the night of Hogwart's grounds. The moon cast eerie shadows from each blade of carefully trimmed grass, and the light reflected off the lake ominously. Everything glowed blue.  
  
"It's nearly the Full Moon. I don't blame Moony for wanting to cower in the dorms," Sirius said, eyes wandering through the cloak towards the vast heavens before continuing on towards the forest. He looked extremely uptight to James, which provoked him to wonder...  
  
"Are you still upset over that thing last year? You know, the thing with Snape and the Whomping Willow..." James had been really worried about both Remus and Sirius for a good portion of sixth year, first because he thought Moony would hate himself for almost harming another student, and then because he was certain he'd harm Sirius for putting him through it all. And he knew Sirius hadn't gotten over his stupidity yet, even if Remus had forgiven him. (That is, after half a year of persuasion on James and Peter's parts.)  
  
Sirius looked very dark for moment, walking a little faster so that James had to hasten his pace to keep up with his friend.  
  
"Well, a summer away doesn't make you forget a two week suspension for the possible killing of a fellow student, even if the student is forked tongued and deserved it. No one, and I mean no one, can get away with what he said, especially not in front of me."  
  
James found it increasingly difficult to keep the cloak shrouding both of them as Sirius speeded up further, a scowl on his face.  
  
"Don't get me wrong, summer at your house was grand and not all filled with twisted thoughts of the miseries I wish to inflict on Snivellus. Most of it was quite fun, actually. Remember when I drew up plans on how to smash Snape's nose without the teacher's catching wind?"  
  
"Just keep walking, Sirius."  
  
~*~*~*  
  
Lily steadied her pace as she withdrew her wand from her robes. Why be unprepared?  
  
Her vigil for deviant students had, thus far, been a complete bore. Normally (or when he wasn't sick, which wasn't often) she'd patrol with Remus Lupin, but he had, once again, developed a high fever and had to sleep it off. Typical.  
  
And she would have tried to persuade the head boy to come along, if she had suddenly gone mad and forgot that he was a prat that enjoyed levitating spiders over her head.  
  
But then there was Abigail O'Brien, whom she was fairly good friend's with, who probably would have agreed to keep her company. Unfortunately, Lily remembered how annoyed she'd been about being called "little" by Rosier that afternoon, and knew for a fact she was still brooding over it.  
  
And the giggle fit she had with James Potter on the train ride over had no sway in her decision to steer clear of the girl. Nuh-uh.  
  
Well, Lily reasoned, she's not the first girl to turn to mush at the hands of James Potter.  
  
James Potter did seem to dwell on the minds of the girls of Hogwarts quite often. That is, before they fell madly in love with him, and droned on forever about how they were the future Mrs. James Potter.  
  
It was sickening.  
  
So Lily elected to patrol alone, which had been fun all of two second before she realized she was lonely.  
  
Wand in hand, Lily crossed her arms and leaned against a wall near the dungeons. There was a window opposite her, through which she could see the dark of the night and the nearly full moon overhead. It made her sad, having such a perfect night and no one to share it with.  
  
She longed to take a train back to her home, where she and her sister could sit on the porch, talking for hours about absolutely nothing in particular.  
  
It was nice to have an older sister sometimes.  
  
Suddenly, Lily heard the creaking of the Entrance Hall doors. She quickly unfolded her arms and quietly stalked towards the generator of the sound.  
  
No one was there. The door slowly closed with a definitive snap, and that was it. The light of the moon that had quickly cascaded in a line from the crack between the doors was instantly diminished and that was all.  
  
She furrowed her brow, emerald eyes darting this way and that over the Entrance Hall. Something had to have opened the door; of this Lily was certain.  
  
And yet, she was quite alone. She softened her eyes and closed them, leaning against wall with a sigh. Perhaps she had imagined the sound... and the light from the door. Maybe she had grown paranoid with the stress of being head girl.  
  
Or maybe not.  
  
Her eyes shot open as she heard another noise, a hissing noise. Was it a student? Her posture went rigid as she leapt out from behind the wall... and directly into something... solid.  
  
She stumbled backwards with a feeble expelling of air. Her hands shot up to her forehead, which had been hit quite hard with something wooden, as she heard a pair of hurried footsteps to her right.  
  
What in the world?  
  
Lily straightened up and pointed her wand, squinting, trying to see where the noise was coming from. But there was nothing there. There were just sounds: footsteps, a hurried whisper, and then nothing.  
  
Lily was perplexed, unnerved... She took a daring step towards the place she had last heard the noise coming from, and then she did the only thing she could think to.  
  
She aimed a hex at nothing and fired. "Stupefy!"  
  
She hit nothing.  
  
Lily's eyes widened. She didn't like that something was invisible to her, but solid enough to collide with, and noisy enough for her to hear.  
  
"Wh-who are you?"  
  
A thought crossed her mind, as if she could feel an uneasy presence. She felt that same presence last year in the Gryffindor Commons, right before James Potter jumped out from behind a couch and scared her half to death. But he couldn't become invisible, could he?  
  
There was nothing but silence. Lily waited for minutes, her heart thumping loudly in her chest. Thump, thump, thump. Could the unseen, solid something hear that? Thump, thump, thump.  
  
So much for a brave Gryffindor and head girl, eh?  
  
After what seemed like years, she backed away from the scene, towards the dungeons. That was, after all, the direction the noises were leading her. Perhaps she could ask the patrolling prefect, Snape or not, if he'd heard anything out of the ordinary.  
  
She took off at a run, glancing behind her fervently in hopes of finding the originator of the sounds.  
  
~*~*~*  
  
James and Sirius watched their prefect run down the stone steps to the dungeons in silence, breathing as quietly as possible while struggling to keep hold of the box—which they'd borrowed from Hagrid's cabin—filled with snakes. James had had to put a silencing charm on the serpents after they collided with something in the Entrance Hall, which was when they realized THEY WERE NOT ALONE.  
  
"Well, good one, Padfoot. I think she's left," James whispered, head craning to see if the redhead was out of earshot and sight. When he was satisfied, he rounded on his friend with an offended expression. "Did you see how close she was to hitting us with that stunning charm? Gee, it's always bloody fun to be nearly rendered immobile by a girl half a foot shorter than us! Oh, and thanks for checking the map before we came in here. That was real smart."  
  
"My bloody hands were full, mate," Sirius snapped indignantly. "You try holding the heavy side and checking the map at the same time!"  
  
"The heavy side?" James repeated disbelievingly. "Didn't realize you caught those many snakes with your wonderful summoning charm. 'Ascio—no—ashio—wait—ACCIO, right? Right?' A bowtruckle nearly attached to your head, you realize? You could have been skewered in the eye."  
  
"Yeah, fine, Prongs. It's not that I didn't remember; I just had a temporary mind collapse," Sirius defended. "Let's just put this stuff back in the forest then. There's no way we can get this stuff into the Slytherin Commons with Head Girl Lily on our tails. Just help me get to the door—yeah, thanks. We can try levitating them into the girl's dorms if you want, though. I saw the window from the grounds around the side, if you'd care to take a detour..."  
  
Perhaps James would have answered, but his mind was a bit too filled with thoughts of a certain redhead, who was, just moments before, feet away from him. It was funny, but with his heart beating so fast and her eyes flashing so dangerously, he almost thought she knew he was there.  
  
Maybe it was something in the glow of her eyes...  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Taiyourshoes: Check that out, it only took me two days to write. I'll post tomorrow though, since it's just too late now. 7 pages! I'm so proud of me! Gotta love Spring Break! 4/13/04  
  
A million hugs to the people who reviewed and read! I feel so special, 12 reviews, I just love you guys! 


	7. The Power of Deduction

Disclaimer: Refer to previous chapters

* * *

Did You Find What You Were Looking For?  
  
Chapter 7: The Power of Deduction  
  
By: Taiyourshoes

* * *

Lily went down to breakfast the next morning, eyeing the other students warily as if one would suddenly jump out and tackle her. She was in a particularly foul mood after running into an even fouler Snape the night before, who had all but told her he didn't think the head girl should have been running about the dungeons in search of a non-existent being—which Lily thought was a pretty silly thing for him to even consider saying, since it was so obvious it had been existent, wooden, and four legged.  
  
"Perhaps the headmaster would have been better to choose a head girl who doesn't entertain hallucinations of such a nature? And if you're head is really bothering you that much, might I suggest a trip to the hospital wing?"  
  
Lily was glad she had been gifted with a decent amount of patience, or she might have broken the hooked nosed right off the Slytherin Prefect's smirking face.  
  
And then, of course, she had been questioned ceaselessly when she returned to her dorms. Apparently, her roommates seemed to think it funny she was so winded up over a figment of her imagination. They seemed to think it funnier, however, that she was so upset over a comment made by a "dirty snake."  
  
Rather unfortunately, they also decided to attack her on the subject of James Potter. "I heard you were positively SCREAMING over a stunt he pulled back on the train. What did he do, Lily, tempt you with the forbidden fruit of fun?"  
  
So began her insomnia, which she'd tried to remedy with a hopefully boring passage from her Care of Magical Creatures text on the Demiguise. Much to her chagrin, however, the Demiguise served to be an extremely interesting read, and she didn't get more then four hours sleep.  
  
Taking a seat across from a weary-looking Peter Pettigrew, Lily reached across the table to butter herself a bit of toast before her first day of lessons.  
  
"Morning, Miss Evans..." Pettigrew greeted with a yawn. Then, suddenly alert, "Remus said you were up at our dorm last night, and I just wanted to mention I was in the hospital wing, and was in no way conducting any sort of mischief!"  
  
Lily gave him a weak smile before offering the tired boy her toast. "I hadn't suspected you of anything deviant, but thanks for the explanation."  
  
He took it gratefully with a little simper and mumble of thanks.  
  
"So why were you in the hospital wing? Should I credit a detention to any well-deserving students?"  
  
"Err, no actually. I might have... tripped down a few flights of stairs that decided to move mid-step." He cricked his neck. "I might have killed myself."  
  
"Oh." Lily had been certain it might have been an attack from, let's say, a Slytherin, but a misstep made just as much sense to her.  
  
Peter was often prone to inflicting injury upon himself and anyone in his immediate vicinity.  
  
"And why might you look so drained, Lily? I would have assumed you'd be scary with your... enthusiasm for the first day of your last year at Hogwarts. Not to mention the fact that you carry half the major authority amongst the students, being head girl and all."  
  
"Yes... That fine image was rather diminished when a little phantom decided to pay me a visit. Or, as Severus Snape puts it, my hallucinations."  
  
"Hey, Evans," James said, taking a seat beside her and swinging an arm around her shoulders. "You look particularly fetching today." He was quickly followed by his best friend of six years, Sirius Black, who took a seat on James's other side.  
  
"Morning," Lily grumbled, removing his hand from her shoulders grumpily.  
  
For some reason she felt extreme animosity towards the Head Boy, perhaps because he should have been patrolling and she could only guess why he wasn't in his dormitory.  
  
But perhaps it was that, for another unknown reason, she had felt a little nervous twitch in her stomach when he touched her. She couldn't have that happen, now could she?  
  
"Why, do mind ears deceive me? Do I sense hostility?" Sirius Black asked sarcastically as he tugged on a lock of her hair to see how red in the face he could get her—after all, that gesture always bothered her in first year, whilst he and James teased her about being a carrot top.  
  
Well, that all but set her off. She could deal with Sirius about 95% of the time, but after a midnight run-in with an invisible wooden... thingy, and harsh criticism from a stupid boy with a hooked nose and derisive attitude, there was little else she could take.  
  
"If you TOUCH me one more time—any of you—it's detention for a week! I swear! Between spiders and harassment, I'm about two meters short of the loony bin!"  
  
She stood up with amazing agility and marched out of the Great Hall in a huff.  
  
Sirius and James exchanged confused glances. "D'you think she'll be terribly cross when she finds the snakes in her room?"

* * *

The first class of the new term was Charms, which was all fine by Lily since her wand seemed to do be best adept to charms work than any other field of magic.  
  
Professor Flitwick, a short man with a squeaky voice and almost disturbingly extreme fervor, could be seen standing behind his desk at the front of the classroom. His words seemed to drift through one of her ears and out the other, which was upsetting her immensely because, as head girl, she felt she should be setting an example for everyone else in the school. And the fact that NEWTs were coming up was more than stressing her out.  
  
With a deep sigh, Lily leaned back in her seat and stared out the window, which revealed a beautiful view of the grounds below. Farther out, Lily could see a small, shabby cabin, which belonged to Hagrid, the Hogwarts gamekeeper, guarding the Forbidden Forest.  
  
The sun cast a reflection across the lake of bright and dazzling brilliance. It hurt to stare at, and yet, Lily felt she couldn't turn away.  
  
Which, astonishingly, reminded Lily of James Potter. She shivered a bit, despite the warmth of the air floating in through the window only a few feet from her. Was he the reason she couldn't concentrate? Those spiders really had set her mind off. Not to mention the unexplained from the previous night...  
  
And then it happened. The gadgets in her head were speeding up and reeling. Everything in Lily's mind seemed to fall into place.  
  
_Click, click, click!_  
  
She furrowed her eyebrows and glanced at the messy haired boy across the room. He was innocently taking notes on a piece of parchment—or at least that's what it looked like he was doing. No doubt, he was drawing up a plan to unravel the very foundation of Hogwarts for his sheer amusement.  
  
Lily had wondered for years how James managed to get about without the teachers catching wind. And then, about three years ago, she heard James and his friends talking about his "magical cape," which, at the time, seemed to be some lewd term she didn't care to think about. But there was also the matter of what she'd read in her Care of Magical Creatures text during her insomnia. It had said the hair of a Demiguise could be woven into an Invisiblity Cloak, which—while it was rare—she did not doubt rich little snot Potter could get his hands on.  
  
Knowing how very wrong it was for her to jump to a conclusion with so many holes in it, but still not doubting her assumption entirely since her powers of deduction had never failed her in the past, Lily made a note to badger James on the subject later. If she found nothing, she'd drop the subject and silently chide herself for weeks.  
  
Though, she was quite sure she wouldn't have to do that. After all, she had felt James's presence in the entrance hall.  
  
Sometimes, that's just how you get with certain people.

* * *

"Oh, come on Lily! It's still summer and everything and the lake is just so enchanting!'  
  
"Me mum used to tell me a little bit of sunshine is all the magic you'll ever need!"  
  
Lily grimaced slightly at the two young second years begging to ditch class in favor of a day of hookie on the school grounds. Why did they have to make it so hard on her?  
  
"Listen, ladies. If everyone got a day off just because they wanted one—on the first day back, no less—this school wouldn't be anywhere and you'd all be considerably more idiotic. So, in short, no, you may not take off. I'm sorry Miss Edwards, Miss Cavendish."  
  
Charlotte Edwards, the snottier, pointy nosed of the two pointed her chin indignantly.  
  
"James said we could go if we asked you."  
  
That was not what Lily cared to hear. "Yeah? Well you've asked and I've said no. Now scoot off before you miss your break."  
  
Amelia Cavendish stuck her tongue out and took her friend by the hand, running off childishly.  
  
"Are they twelve or eight? Jeez..." Lily folded her arms and walked back towards the marble staircase, where she was hoping James Potter would be walking down any second.  
  
But of course, he wasn't.  
  
"Miss Evans, are you waiting for your phantom to appear? Because I assure you he won't."  
  
Lily winced.  
  
"Don't you have somewhere to be, Snape? I am really not in the mood."  
  
She couldn't see him, but she could feel him smiling from where he was standing only feet from her.  
  
"Cross, are you? I just wanted to tell you we found a second year of your house in the possession of a snake, which, might I remind you, is absolute foul play if he was attempting to put it where I think he intended to."  
  
Lily was tempted to suggest where he should have put it—which would have been quite disgusting and inappropriate—but refrained. "If you mean your commons, I doubt that. Who's the culprit?"  
  
"Timothy Bones."  
  
"Fine. I'll take care of it." 

As always, what Lily wanted had to wait. No accusatory chats with Potter today. Darn.  
  
But... who was Timothy Bones?

* * *

Taiyourshoes: Yeah, I know. But the kid is going to lead to something which leads to something else and, well, this chapter sort of connects major plot twists and whatever.  
  
Here's the general idea of next chapter:  
  
Lily finds out who Timothy Bones is... AND she finds out something very peculiar about how he got the snakes in the first place...  
  
And then Lily talks to James...  
  
Well, you'll find out the rest later.  
  
Just review and stop my agony.  
  
Love to those who read, review, and e-mail. It's so sweet! 


	8. On a Scale of…

Disclaimer: Refer to previous chapters

* * *

Did You Find What You Were Looking For?  
  
Chapter 8: On a Scale of...  
  
By: Taiyourshoes

* * *

"You look distracted, Evans."  
  
Lily shook herself out of her befuddled thoughts and snapped her head in Rosier's direction.  
  
"Sorry. I'm just thinking a bit too much." She furrowed her brow and stared at the potion ingredients she was supposed to be chopping up and boiling. "What are we doing?"  
  
A smile flitted across the young man's face as he gave her a look akin to pity. "What _are_ you thinking about? I didn't think you could get distracted so easily."  
  
For a moment Lily's eyes darted to the pair two desks away, where James Potter and Remus Lupin sat whispering under their breaths. Their expressions were strangely disturbed. "It... It's nothing, Connor. I..." Suddenly a picture flooded her mind; the one where she was standing at the foot of the marble staircase, hoping a certain someone would grace her with his presence and allow her to grind him on morals. She'd never gotten the chance through lunch and now...  
  
"Evans?"  
  
"Connor, do you know anyone by the name of Timothy Bones?"

* * *

James Potter climbed the stairs to his dormitory with particular lethargy that evening. He had been planning his outing with his friends—in light of the full moon—all day, whilst he avoided eye contact with the sour Lily Evans. He stood firm on his theory that her looks could potentially kill a man.  
  
Especially if that man was he or Sirius Black.  
  
"James!" came a shaky voice as soon as he, James, had turned the corner and seen his dormitory door. Timothy Bones, a boy five years his junior who, as James could tell from the boy's constant but never nagging curiosity about the house team, was a complete Quidditch fanatic, stood at the front of his door and was poised as if he had just been knocking before he spotted James himself.  
  
"James, someone told me to put this snake under the Slytherin table in the Great Hall and of course I said I would because they promised I'd be showing Gryffindor spirit but that Slytherin prefect spotted me and I made a run for it but I'm pretty sure he told the head girl and she's been glaring all day and I'm afraid she might have me expelled or worse!"  
  
James took a few seconds to register all that he'd heard. "W—what do you want me to do about it?"  
  
Timothy looked uneasy as he glanced about conspiratorially. "Well, first off, Sirius was the one who gave me the snakes and, although I'd NEVER tell a soul that, I just thought I ought to give you and he a heads up. I mean, you were probably involved too."  
  
James nodded in comprehension. "Yeah, I might have guessed Sirius would put you up to that as a lark. Don't worry, Lily has no evidence and she isn't the type to punish without three witnesses and a few key clues. But go on."  
  
The boy took a breath and released it in a sigh. Obviously, he didn't like admitting whatever it was he was going to say. "Err, since you're head boy and all, I was thinking that maybe you could tell Lily... something to get my butt off the line. Not that I'm scared of her per say, but... okay, I'm a little scared of her. I've seen her angry and I really don't want to be the cow at the mouth of the Thestral, you know?"  
  
James could have laughed out loud. All that worrying over Miss Lily Evans, sweetheart of their year?  
  
"How's this? I'll talk to her if she has any evil thoughts of double detentions or something, but otherwise I think you'll be fine."  
  
It looked as though the boy's face would split from smiling. "Thanks, James. I was just a bit worried that whatever punishment she'd give me would be far worse than usual, since she's been in a very bad mood because of Sirius's actions this morning."  
  
That caused the humor to be sucked right out of the situation for James.  
  
As the second year ambled away, significantly more light-hearted, those words echoed in his ears.  
  
Afterall, when she'd find the many snakes lurking in the dark corners of her room she wouldn't feel all too forgiving. Fleetingly, he wondered if he could go into a protection program for those scared of abuse by a five and a half foot girl.

* * *

"Mr. Bones, it really wasn't necessary to bring his nose into the argument, now was it?" Lily sighed as she pushed back a strand of auburn from her face. Timothy Bones had stumbled down the boy's staircase only moments before, and when she attempted to find his reasoning behind his possession of a snake in the Great Hall that afternoon, he simply said that Snape didn't have any idea what he was saying. Except he hadn't called him Snape.  
  
"Ma'am, it really isn't an argument. I was simply holding the snake for a close friend of mine, and I assure you I let the serpent go the second I learned he wasn't allowed in the Great Hall. Honest." He crossed his heart for emphasis and flashed her a pitiful doggy pout.  
  
She cocked an eyebrow at him. "Which... 'close friend' would this be?"  
  
"Err..." Bones said, thinking fast. "Well, this friend isn't really a _close_ friend, but sort of distant. You know, different house, different school, different country. It's a very _distant_ relationship."  
  
"Right," she responded dryly. "And by other country, school, and house, do you mean James Potter or one of his deviant cohorts?"  
  
The boy gave an overdramatic gasp. "Oh, of course not! How could you even SAY that when the seventh year boys have been nothing but good all term!"  
  
"The term started today, Bones."  
  
"Yes, but 24 hours is an awfully long time to be perfect little angels."  
  
Lily narrowed her emerald eyes at the young Gryffindor, which provoked him to take a step back.  
  
"You will have a detention, in fairness to the Slytherin Prefect's request and your colorful name for him. Now get along and finish your homework or something; it's close to nine."  
  
Timothy frowned again as he pivoted the other way and began heading up the stairs. However, he didn't get far, for James Potter revealed himself from behind the curve of the stairway at that very moment, where he'd been listening basically the whole time.  
  
James leaned into the boy's ear and whispered at a volume that Lily, who seemed taken aback to see him so suddenly, could hear. "Next time, try come up with something more believable. After all, Miss Evans seems to be under the impression that anything not from her mouth must be a cold lie to cover up for little old me."  
  
Lily was quite sure she would have at least thought of a proper retort, but a piercing scream coming from the girl's dormitories distracted her profoundly.  
  
Tabitha Hawkins came running down the stairs on the other side of the commons with amazing alacrity. "Lily!" the girl breathed, "Lily there're snakes in my bed and under it and everywhere! They're just... sliding all over!" Tabitha continued to shriek as she danced in a little circle and kicked out her legs to remove the snakes she was sure were there.  
  
Lily gave her a disgusted expression. "Snakes?" She tossed the direction of her gaze at James and Timothy. "Snakes?"  
  
James had, for reasons unknown to him, turned a fascinating shade of red.  
  
And Lily did too... before she pounced.  
  
When Professor McGonagall finally came in to break up the fight two minutes later, Lily had James pinned to the ground at the bottom of the stairs as she attempted to ring his neck. James was just as red in the face as before, but from laughter this time as he weakly tried to remove her from him. Sirius had entered the picture and was telling Lily she shouldn't provoke contact after she told them not to touch her just that morning. And Timothy was staring, open mouthed, at where the head boy and girl were at his feet.  
  
Abashed, Professor McGonagall yelled over Tabitha's shrieks (which had softened thanks to someone's hand cupping over her mouth) and Sirius's catcalls. "Miss Evans! Mr. Potter! Get off each other this instant! Get off each other and—"  
  
Either Lily or James's wand went off from where it was feet from them, from where their wands fell when the fight first ensued. And the sparks headed in a terrible direction: right at the woman's head.  
  
The headmistress ducked just in time, but her hair was left singed and smoking. The woman's nostrils flared and her expression was unmistakably furious. That look stopped Lily's boxing as she and James stared, open- mouthed, at the professor. Lily's arms dropped limply to her side in horror and James stopped trying to push her off of him.  
  
"You two," Professor McGonagall began, voice shaking uncontrollably, "that's a week's worth of detentions for the both of you. I'll see you in my office in five minutes to discuss what EXACTLY it means to hold the positions of Head Boy and Girl at Hogwarts."  
  
When she finally retreated out of the portrait hole, Lily and James dared a disbelieving look at each other.  
  
"On a scale of one to ten, how dead are we?" Lily asked slowly.  
  
"We're cremated already, love."  
  
With that, they both erupted into laughter that, while unexpected, the rest of the house could share. Besides, how many times would they get to see the headmistress's hair smoking?  
  
"Err, Lily?" Tabitha began cautiously, hoarse after screaming for so long. "You do realize there are still snakes slithering around in our dormitory, right?"

* * *

Taiyourshoes: Hey, I wrote ALL of this today for a friend, and while it may not be the best chapter thus far, it was fun and moves the story line along quite nicely for me.  
  
To come...  
  
Lily and James in detention!  
  
Defense against the dark arts: friend or foe?  
  
AND more on the pleasant Amelia Cavendish and Charlotte Edwards.  
  
Stay tuned. Review, I know the blue button is calling to you. 


	9. Only Too Well

Disclaimer: Refer to previous chapters

* * *

Did You Find What You Were Looking For?  
  
Chapter 9: Only Too Well  
  
By: Taiyourshoes

* * *

"You would think holding such high positions would do _something_ to give you both a sense of pride... or self-control to say the least! But I daresay if Mr. Potter was 'being a prat,' that was all the incentive needed to tackle him in the middle of your commons—and in front of impressionable first years, no less. Miss Evans, Mr. Potter, think before you pounce!"  
  
Lily and James sat quietly in Professor McGonagall's office as she "had at them," so to speak. While James was waiting anxiously for Lily to tell the professor there were snakes all over her dormitory floor—and under her pillow, though she'd yet to discover that—Lily was anticipating the time when James would remind the Headmistress it was Lily's wand that had done THAT to her hair. But instead of saying anything at all, they stared down at their shoes with extreme interest and refused to look at the woman's face. After all, who wanted to be subjected to her death stares, thinned lips, and flaring nostrils?  
  
And James was afraid of Lily earlier that day! Try sitting in an office with a Professor McGonagall when she's very, very mad. About her hair, probably.  
  
"If there is ANY more foul play from either of you—and yes James, try VERY hard to hold back—your positions will be awarded to more worthy candidates. You will each have detention for a week, and I can only pray you'll set a better example for your charges because of it. See you in this office tomorrow after lessons. I'll need a day to think about how you will carry out your detentions."  
  
At length, both Lily and James rose from their seats, careful to avoid eye contact with the Headmistress, and made their way out the door.  
  
Once out of earshot, Lily turned on James. "Don't mind my curiosity, but why did it HAVE to be snakes? I mean puffskeins, or flobberworms, or even Sirius after too many butterbeers I could understand, but SNAKES?"  
  
James smirked down at her. "Snakes just seemed awfully appropriate, especially now. I hear they squeeze the life out of their prey too." He prodded her hand, which she'd coiled painfully around his arm subconsciously.  
  
Lily blushed and muttered a sorry. When they'd started back along their path to the Fat Lady Portrait, she realized her heart was beating unusually fast. And it didn't help that there was such a silence between them, she was sure he could hear it beating out of her chest.  
  
Why was she feeling so awkward? With a sigh she attempted to bring about some sort of distraction. "Care to elaborate as to _how_ you managed to get by the girl's staircase without falling on your arse?" She glanced at him for a moment and was thoroughly put off to see the familiar "Potter Smirk" plastered onto his face.

"Actually, Lily, I'd prefer not to just yet. Elaborate, that is." He seemed to be perfectly happy about leaving her in the dark.  
  
Lily crossed her arms and stopped walking, causing James to do the same (though minus the crossing his arms part). "Fine. But I'll only hold off on prodding for now, as I seem to have a rather big problem up in my dormitory to attend to. You know, before Tabitha has a heart attack and McGonagall realizes I omitted quite a large part of our fight from my explanation."  
  
Lily started stalking off again, when she heard James curiously, "And why didn't you tell her, Evans?"  
  
Lily started. "Tell her...?"  
  
"Tell her I put a heap of SERPEANTS in your room," he said simply, as he took her by the elbow to keep her walking. His voice suggested he knew the answer already (or the James Potter perversed version of the answer) and just wanted the satisfaction of the words crossing Lily's lips. "She may have spared you a week's worth of detention if she'd known you had a good reason for tackling me."  
  
Lily frowned. She was fairly certain of the answer he expected (or hoped for) from her, and she was very tempted to throw just the opposite at him. But then again, why hadn't she told McGonagall? Was it because she cared whether or not he got into trouble, or because she'd been too scared to speak? Certainly the latter. And yet...  
  
"I—I didn't want you to loose your position or something." The words spilled from her mouth, but to her surprise they felt true and as old to her as anything.  
  
"Lily, you can't stand me. Wouldn't it be better if you didn't have to work with me everyday as Head boy?" He was getting that evil glint in his eyes again, the same one she'd declared unbearable in fifth year.  
  
"N—no." She felt her cheeks growing hot. Her stomach was doing that _thing_ again.  
  
James's expression didn't change. "Would YOU care to elaborate?"  
  
Lily was quite tempted to shake her head and run off, as she was very good at running from James Potter. But for some stupid, sodding reason her feet had cemented to the ground.  
  
Instead, Lily continued the habit she'd picked up in McGonagall's office: she stared down at her feet.  
  
"It doesn't matter. Just help me get rid of the... things in my room and we'll call it even."

* * *

James sat up in his bed staring at the drapes of his four-post. He wasn't feeling like himself at all. His mind felt all scrambled and befuddled and all the thoughts racing through his mind were so foreign.  
  
NEVER had he been more afraid of getting caught before. Even when Lily hadn't learned about the snakes, he was worried about how she'd react. Since when did he care if he got in a spot of trouble?  
  
And sure, he'd had a crush on the girl for three years now, but he'd always been willing to pick on her in the past. Why was he so nervous now?  
  
"It doesn't matter," she'd said. Her eyes had looked so sad as she avoided his gaze.  
  
When had it EVER not mattered to Lily Evans? Even back in first year, when he'd found her a tad plain and average, she'd always been willing to stomp on his foot if he pulled her ponytail or said something pricky. Why, in fifth year she'd thoroughly embarrassed him in front of EVERYONE when he asked her out. Given, he'd had Severus Snape upside down and foaming at the mouth but she didn't need to get sharp with him.  
  
But then there was the matter with her tackling him earlier. Certainly she'd felt guilty about making a scene and frying Professor McGonagall's hair?  
  
Or maybe, and even James had to snicker to himself at this one, all his years of putting on the charm finally paid off. Maybe her tackling was just a way of flirting?  
  
Or maybe James should just be thrown to a rampaging hippogriff and be left to die.

But of course, he'd look especially dashing if he had a fate like that. Rampaging hippogriffs were massively entertaining.

* * *

"Detention, huh?" Tabitha asked delicately. She was running a brush through her hair absently with her eyes slightly out of focus. It seemed that after Lily left for the Headmistress's office, someone thought it would be better for everyone if they used the Obliviate charm to erase her memory of the snakes entirely. However, that someone wasn't too skilled and they ended up knocking her out in the process. Tabitha had only come 'round after Lily and a few other brave Gryffindor girls had levitated the snakes down to the forest, where James promised they would remain.  
  
"Yeah, but I thought for sure I'd lose my position as head girl!" Lily sighed quickly and raised her voice, making arm movements to accompany her words. "I mean, on the first day of lessons I _tackle_ a fellow student AND leave my wand unattended and subjected to my flaring emotions. For a second I thought she'd lose her hair!"  
  
Perhaps Tabitha would have found this funnier, as the other Gryffindor girls did, had she any real idea what had happened. In place of her typical giggles, Tabitha cocked her head, allowing her blonde strands to cascade along the side of her face. "But... She isn't losing her hair Lily."  
  
Lily's eye twitched. "Never mind."  
  
After a moment, another one of the girls who shared their dorm spoke up. She breathed in excitedly and gave Lily a pressing look. "Maybe I'm just too curious, but how'd it feel to be on top of James Potter?"  
  
Lily's mouth dropped in disgust. "Hailey!"  
  
The girl chuckled, covering her mouth with her hand as she did so. Her brown curls swayed this way and that with her pulsing laughter. "He's on the quidditch team, he's attractive, and he's hilarious. Oh yeah, and he LIKES you, and has for YEARS. I can't even tell you how many girls envy you."  
  
"Yeah," another girl added, "and I KNOW you liked him in third year, before you saw him kissing Abigail O'Brien behind a bookshelf in the library. Remember that?"  
  
Lily nodded, feigning a smile, since really it wasn't all that funny anymore. "Yeah. I do." And she did. Only too well.

* * *

The next day James felt considerably better. Overnight, he'd come to the conclusion that he, James, had just been worn out from two nights in the tempers of Lily Evans. The first night she'd thought him a phantom, and the next she thought him a punching bag.  
  
He loved the way their relationship was progressing.  
  
Regardless, he seemed to have bounced back. He was even running his hand through his hair again and laughing jovially with his friends.  
  
"So where d'you have detention tonight?" Sirius asked over breakfast. "If you want we could use our mirrors, that is, if you get bored sitting in a classroom copying words from the History of Magic text."  
  
James appeared to deliberate the point. "See, Padfoot, I don't think I'll get off with such an easy punishment today. McGonagall didn't actually say where, but she told us to meet at her office first, so she'd have time to THINK on it." He emphasized the last bit with a raise of his eyebrows.  
  
Sirius grimaced. Both of them, being the dandy little troublemakers they were, knew that when teachers had to have a night to _think_ over punishment, no good could arise.  
  
"Well," Sirius sighed, patting James on the shoulder apologetically, "at least you get to be with Lily for a week. See if you can get her to fall for your Potter charm."  
  
"Right." James rolled his eyes. "And then I'll spawn the savior of the wizarding world."

* * *

Taiyourshoes: Okay, I MIGHT have time for one more chapter before I go on vacation for two weeks. (I leave on the 30th) I really want to write the next one, because I intended this one to have a lot more than it does. This one, I feel, SUCKS supremely, because we didn't get to see much of charming James, hotheaded Lily, and loveable Sirius. Why? I wanted to incorporate something important about Lily and James's past (which I've been planning for a while, thank you very much) and emphasize the tension developing between the two. Wow, how lame did that sound?  
  
So I PROMISE there'll be detention in the next one, Lily will get a little upset with James about... something... and Charlotte and Amelia will hopefully appear again. (I hate them, I love them). Oh, and there will be DADA... I pray. And if I go another chapter where I must squish out my humor I'll explode. Seriously.  
  
Anyways, just review and give me some ideas on what to do. I swear the next chapter will get out faster if you give me some motivation. ;)


	10. Keeping Score

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own any names, places, or things from the Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling.

* * *

Did You Find What You Were Looking For  
  
Chapter 10: Keeping Score  
  
By: Taiyourshoes

* * *

The Saturday following the first week back at school came at long last. Most of Gryffindor could be found in the fields surrounding the lakes, to take full benefit of the fleeting summer weather. However, there were at least four who were still in Gryffindor tower, and those four were, of course, planning something deviant.  
  
James Potter sighed. "You just aren't getting it. If we manage to enchant ALL of the transfiguration books, we still run into the snag that we may actually find ourselves with a hundred something seventeen-year-old slugs on our hands, with even more lower classman TRAMPLING over them."  
  
"Yes, or a creepy kid with a wand prodding the poor blokes," Sirius offered, remembering what happened to a slug he saw once in a similar disposition.  
  
The Marauders were sitting around a table in the corner, talking at their leisure since, to their knowledge, everyone was elsewhere on the castle grounds. Peter Pettigrew was fidgeting in his seat, which gave the impression that he either had to use the bathroom or was anxiously waiting for James or Sirius to say something hilarious to laugh at. Typically, he'd just had too much sugar. Remus Lupin was leaning back in his chair, staring at the ceiling as he sent some sparks up to create a sort of firework display. Sirius Black had his face cupped in his hands in a dashingly bored way— a look he'd mastered at the age of eleven. And James Potter was twirling his wand between his fingers as he stared out into nowhere, that nowhere aimed out the window towards a group of girls sitting under a tree below. If he concentrated hard enough, he could make out a girl with her red locks pushed behind her ears as she bent over her potions essay.  
  
James certainly hadn't seen a lot of Lily Evans lately. Aside from classes and detentions, it seemed she'd made herself always out of his reach. He couldn't very well desert his friends in her favor, and she wouldn't make a casual bit of interaction possible with her constant library visits and time spent in her dormitory.  
  
Oddly enough, James could have sworn Lily'd been staring at him all week throughout their detentions (which consisted of cleaning off the marble staircase and pickling various animals for Professor Brewsteem). And whenever they were heading back to Gryffindor tower she'd appear to wait for him before shaking her head and hurrying back to the commons alone— which she'd do invariably.  
  
Maybe she wanted to tell him something? Ask him something? Perhaps she even wanted to have him out for a butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks?  
  
But instead she'd just stay silent during detentions while casting him curious glances. The one time he'd even heard her speak over the last three days was when she'd asked him if he knew anything about Demiguises. How random was that?  
  
Well, James decided, I'll just have to make a little more of an effort to see her.  
  
"Gentlemen," James said aloud, "maybe we can think better in the sunshine. Anyone up for a visit to the grounds?"

* * *

Lily Evans emitted a small yawn while squinting down at her potions text. She found herself rereading sentences again and again as her mind kept wandering up the stairs to Gryffindor commons, where James and his friends had stayed back when the rest of the house agreed to do their homework outside.  
  
For the past three days she'd tried to ask him whether or not he had an invisibility cloak, but then she'd realize how stupid it would sound if it weren't true. She didn't want to appear to be grabbing at snitches without a broom or anything.  
  
That and she kept thinking about that day third year when she'd seen James with Abigail O'Brien. Even the memory put her in a sour mood.  
  
But, Lily wondered miserably, why would it do that?  
  
She liked him at the time, but she hadn't loved him. And, if her memory served her correctly, she hadn't even liked him THAT much. Lily had simply found him more interesting than most anyone else, that's all.  
  
Lily inwardly groaned at the prospect that she'd been like every other Potter-crazed loon in the school, except worse. After all, no one else had caught James in the library. Just poor Lily Evans, looking to see if she could find James to tell him that she... she...  
  
Lily frowned as she realized she couldn't remember what had been so important, but was suddenly distracted by a large shadow blocking the sunlight on her paper.  
  
"Afternoon, Evans. Essay coming along well?"  
  
She cringed slightly at the sight of the four Marauders before her, each with their eyes focused on her. Remus Lupin was giving her an apologetic smile, Peter Pettigrew looked a bit overexcited, and Sirius Black had quite an evil look about him. As for James Potter, Lily immediately noticed his mischievous, though all the same curious, expression on his sharp features.  
  
"What do you want, Potter?" Lily groaned, realizing that this encounter could lead to nothing good.  
  
"Well, while I was brainstorming I realized what positively smashing weather we're having, and then the thought struck me: we SHOULD be playing Quidditch!" James propositioned with false excitement. Lily was reminded of a car salesman who once tried to sell her father a dangerously old looking van.  
  
"How does this concern me?" Lily asked, fearing the answer.  
  
James appeared to deliberate the point. "It occurs to me now that I've NEVER seen you play Quidditch."  
  
"I'm afraid of heights!" she defended.  
  
"Exactly," James winked. "I am simply trying to help you concur your fears by playing the most exciting game ever invented."  
  
A few of their peers, who had long-since looked up from their work to watch the spectacle before them, gave rooted cheers of agreement.  
  
Lily rolled her eyes, putting down her essay and quill as she got to her feet. James offered her a hand, which she took hesitantly. He was still smiling that same mischievous smile that Lily well knew could get her into trouble.  
  
"I don't have a broom," Lily admitted, softening.  
  
"I've an extra one," James rallied.  
  
"I'm terrible at flying and I lack all coordination necessary to get a ball into a hoop," Lily said quickly in a pleading tone that plainly said she didn't really want to go in the air under any circumstances.  
  
"You're coordinated enough to slap me square on the cheek if I get too prattish. I think you'll be fine."  
  
Lily laughed a bit at this, thinking hard for her next thread of defense. "I... I might fall."  
  
"And I," James declared, beaming, "will be there to catch you."  
  
With a last sigh, Lily nodded, which caused quite a few Gryffindors to applaud and woot loudly.  
  
This, Lily thought, should be against the rules.

* * *

The one and only time Lily had ever been on a broom (which had been in first year when there'd been a flying lesson) she'd cried when the broom started levitating too high. Fortunately, Lily didn't cry this time, but she certainly let out quite a few whimpers.  
  
"If you're scared, the broom isn't going to go very high," James reminded, laughing from his place ten or so feet above her.  
  
"Oh, how tragic," Lily grumbled, knuckles going white due to her ridiculously firm grip on her broom. She dared a glance down at the ground fifteen feet from the soles of her shoes, which to Lily, looked to be at least five miles. Beneath her she could see Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew mounting their brooms, Peter a bit more hesitantly. Remus Lupin stood under a tree not far off, shaking his head in disbelief while smiling ever so slightly. At his feet were a Quidditch set, snitch, quaffle, and bludgers included. Lily shivered.  
  
"You don't plan to let the bludger out, do you?" she asked, glancing up at James, who quickly swooped down beside her with ease. He only had one hand on the broom, the other mussing up his hair.  
  
"'T'would hardly be a game of Quidditch otherwise." James turned to the other seventh and sixth years in the air, all of whom had volunteered to be part of the game. "What do you blokes think, should we let the bludgers out?"  
  
"Definitely!" Sirius called as he circled the pitch. Many others called out their agreement in unison.  
  
"Fine," Lily relented scornfully. "Tell my family I loved them very much."  
  
James chuckled. "I'll be sure to relay the message. Moony, let the quaffle and the snitch go. Save the bludgers for when Miss Head Girl has a firm handle over her broom."  
  
Remus gave a wave of his wand and the snitch and quaffle was released.  
  
"Now, Evans," James reminded, "don't go too fast if you aren't ready to, and turn if you're nearing anything that might hurt to collide with."  
  
"I can remember that," Lily grimaced. "It's putting all that into practice that's the problem."  
  
He nodded. "I think she's ready." James flashed a smile at Lily, who had suddenly gone very pale. "Release the bludgers!"  
  
And with a wave of Remus's wand, the game began.

* * *

James was finding it very hard to concentrate on the game when Lily wasn't that far from him, actually giggling whenever she put on a spurt of speed. She wasn't bad at flying at all, really. He'd definitely seen worse.  
  
"And the quaffle goes to Evans, Black, Pettigrew, back to Evans... Potter comes up in an attempt to take the quaffle and—Oh! Ran INTO the quaffle instead of catching it. Bad luck..." Tabitha Hawkins was commentating below, her memory back to normal and her love for Quidditch reaffirmed. She'd always been very into the game, and would have gone out for the team if the spot for Seeker had opened.  
  
James, rubbing his head from where the quaffle had hit him, dared another glance at Lily, who was smiling as she did a little loop in the air. It wasn't HIS fault he ran into the quaffle; she'd distracted him.  
  
James had never seen her THIS happy. He'd needed a good excuse, he felt, to ask her to spend a little time with him— maybe to get to know her better. And of course, Quidditch came to mind. He'd never seen her on the field before, after all, and had always been curious about how she'd do at his favorite game.  
  
And although she didn't seem to be very good at passing off the ball, catching it, or scoring, she seemed to be enjoying herself very much.  
  
Lily Evans caught his gaze and went still for a minute, a curious expression on her face. Suddenly a rare grin came to her as she winked at him, then suddenly dove past him to intercept the quaffle.  
  
James, laughing to himself that his ladylove so obviously knew him too well and could win at any game with him, went after the quaffle once more.

* * *

Quidditch wasn't so bad... Lily wasn't the best, but flying was so much fun! She felt as though, in a dizzy, euphoric spiral she was zooming between players to either catch or drop the quaffle. Lily hadn't even come NEAR a bludger.  
  
Well, not yet anyway.  
  
Lily flattened her body against the broom and, though she should have been paying attention to the game, thrusted herself through the air, narrowly missing a sixth year Ravenclaw girl with glasses whom Lily vaguely knew as something Cunningham, as she was a beater on the Ravenclaw House team.  
  
This, Lily would later realize, was a turning point in her life. Though that might be an exaggeration.  
  
"...and Evans dives at beater Trista Cunningham, who retaliates with a bludger and—"  
  
Lily heard the sickening CRUNCH as a bludger hit the back of her head, whirling her into hazy unconsciousness.  
  
"Is that even allowed?!" a voice asked in disbelief.  
  
Lesson learned: never mess with a beater, on accident or otherwise.

* * *

James barely had time to register what it was that fell past him, barely had time to hear a few shouts and screams as Tabitha Hawkins announced something about a blow to the head, when Lily hit the ground with a massive thud.  
  
He supposed she DEFINITELY had reason to hate flying now; gravity too, for that matter.  
  
Calling a time-out, James sped down to the field where people were already crowding around. Lily lay on the ground, a little bit of blood oozing from the cut on her forehead where her head met with her broom.  
  
"Hospital wing?" Tabitha Hawkins suggested, kneeling beside her fellow Gryffindor. James stood stock still, watching in horror as a few people tried to wake her up using spells and slaps to her face.  
  
James nodded after a minute of their attempts, agreeing to take her up to Madam Pomfrey himself  
  
Bugger.  
  
With a sigh, James pushed through the crowd and bent beside Lily, picked her up delicately, and made his way up to the castle.  
  
When he was almost to the end of the Great Hall, concern etched all over his face that Lily would never speak to him (or possibly anyone else...) again, he felt Lily stir slightly, her eyes fluttering as if she were dreaming.  
  
"J...James?" she whispered, confused, before her head fell limp and she went silent.  
  
What ever she was dreaming about, he was in it, and she didn't seem angry! She was ALIVE and had fantasies about HIM.  
  
...even if she was unconscious.  
  
Score one for team Potter?

* * *

Taiyourshoes: Now I have to say the following for two reasons. First, MissMrprk might KILL me if I don't and Second, I really appreciated this more than most things that reach my inbox. Thanks Sarah, for your beautiful boxes of motivation, inspiration, and friendship. Here's what you said, in case you forgot:  
  
You are opening a bag and inside you see a whole lot of motivation from me! and a receipt that says no returns. (Taiyourshoes: That is so sweet!!!)  
  
...  
  
A couple minutes ago a UPS truck pulled up to your house and asked you to sign for some orders. You asked what they were and he said, just sign please and you can find out for yourself. You found yourself in your front yard with a truckload of pretty boxes. You opened the first one and gasped! There was a lifetime supply of motivation! You go to the next box and you open it up and gasp! There was a lifetime supply of inspiration! You looked in the next box and gasped! There was a lifetime supply of friendship! You then opened all the boxes and found yourself so happy and motivated you decided to go write a chapter of Did You Find What You Were Looking For! And then when you were just opening the door you saw a card. It said:  
  
Gottya something. Hope ya like it! (Taiyourshoes: I do, very much, in fact!)  
  
Sarah, I love you! And thanks, Heidi, for your motivation as well.  
  
Other special thanks goes to STARBORN, who came to read my story from hpDOTcom, where I was posting this story for a while. I did get off my arse and it resulted in about six pages and ideas for chapter 11. Thanks again, guys, couldn't get through writer's block without you!  
  
I'm going to write chapter 11 now, and I give EVERYONE permission to E-MAIL me SILLY if I forget/don't want to update. might not be pleased, but she/I'll write.  
  
Fondly,  
  
Tomfoolery (which is an hpDOTcom thing, don't ask.) 


	11. I Show Not Your Face…

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own any names, places, or things from the Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling.  
  
Forwards: Whoever caught that in the last chapter I made an error, kudos. I meant ENTRANCE HALL, not GREAT HALL. Too lazy to change it, so that's just clearing that matter up.

* * *

Did You Find What You Were Looking For  
  
Chapter 11: I Show Not Your Face...  
  
By: Taiyourshoes

* * *

Lily was lost again. Hogwarts was just too new to her.  
  
"I'll NEVER get this right," she whimpered, making her way up a flight of stairs to where she hoped Gryffindor Tower would be. She would have followed some of her new friends (who apparently knew where they were going) back to their House, but she'd forgotten her bag at the table and had to go back to get it. Stupid her, she'd told them she'd catch up.  
  
Which seemed unlikely to happen, as nothing looked familiar the second Lily stepped out of the Great Hall.  
  
Lily reached the platform and, to her chagrin, saw just another unfamiliar corridor lined with hundreds, if not thousands, of doors. Sighing, Lily turned to go back down the stairs.  
  
But she found she couldn't—there was a door in her way.  
  
Stunned, Lily dashed her head around. She was stuck in a Hallway of Doors with no way out... except maybe through a door. Lily turned back to the door that stood where the staircase should be.  
  
Lily reasoned that, if she just stepped through this door she'd find the staircase and her way back to the Entrance Hall.  
  
...where she could scream until someone gave her directions.  
  
She turned the doorknob and slipped into, alas, yet ANOTHER unfamiliar place. Lily went rigid, seeing nothing but mirrors before her. It was like a maze of mirrors that she would INEVITABLY run into.  
  
Hundreds of Lilys blinked at her as she glanced in every direction. Mumbling that she'd probably be lost in the Hallway Of Doors forever, Lily spun around to exit from where she entered...  
  
But she forgot one thing: magic was not on her side that day. The door was gone and had been replaced by ANOTHER MIRROR.  
  
Groaning, Lily got out her wand and began prodding the place where the door had been while saying things like, "Ickory, pokery, this is a jokery!" and "Open sesame!" which proved to be as useless as Lily's attempts at cooking.  
  
Frustrated, Lily turned on her heel and started toward the entrance of the maze, where she hoped she'd find a way out on the other side.

* * *

Someone had once told her that if she put one hand on the side of a wall in a maze, she would always be able to find her way out, as she wouldn't be going in circles or anything. This, as it turned out, was either VERY wrong or this was a VERY long maze. Lily felt as though she'd been walking for hours with her hand trailing across mirror after mirror after mirror...all to no avail.  
  
"You know," Lily thought aloud. "I wouldn't even be LOST if James Potter hadn't made fun of my red hair today. He got me so angry I forgot my bag and NOW look where I am."  
  
"Where are you, dear?" a motherly voice asked. Lily nearly jumped out of her skin as her eyes darted about for the person to whom the voice belonged. It turned out a MIRROR had spoken, the one that Lily almost had her hand upon, in fact, as it was the next mirror after the one she was touching. Lily ripped her hand away from the wall as if it had been scorched.  
  
"I—in this maze, ma'am. I'm in a mirror room..." Lily stuttered, dumbfounded.  
  
"Are you lost?" the mirror asked, it's voice coming from seemingly nowhere. Lily could only tell the mirror was speaking because it vibrated in a wavelike way whenever it spoke.  
  
"I am," Lily admitted, shaking now. Through her mind raced the fear that she really wasn't a witch, just a girl living in a dream world. Even though she'd known about Hogwarts for two months now, she still couldn't believe she was witch. How could she be? Weren't all the strange things that happened around her just coincidence? And wouldn't she be better prepared for a talking mirror if she WAS a witch?  
  
"If you really want to find your way through, just walk through me. I'll take you to your heart's desire."  
  
At that moment, the only desire Lily could think of was her desire to GET OUT and go back to the girl's dormitory so she could cower under her blankets for hours.  
  
Lily nodded, though warily, as she stepped toward the mirror. Briefly, the image of Platform 9 and ¾ flashed through her mind. It had been so difficult to convince herself to charge at the obviously solid barrier, but once she did it, she realized there was nothing to be frightened about. Psyching herself out, she closed her eyes tightly and leaned against the mirror with all her weight, wondering if she broke it, would she still have 7 years bad luck in the Wizarding world?  
  
Lily felt herself fall through the mirror and hit the ground on the other side. Dizzy, Lily's eyes snapped open. The mirror that she had come through now just appeared to be a cement wall. Upon further investigation, Lily found that she was in a small, dark room, with two torches to keep it lit. Lily shivered as she glanced about at her new surroundings. Wherever she was, this was NOT the way out she'd been hoping for.  
  
There were no windows, no furniture, just two torches and something glimmering on the other side of the room. When Lily's eyes adjusted to the dark, Lily was aggrieved to see that the glimmering thing was nothing more than a mirror.  
  
...Or was it?  
  
Lily clambered to her feet and walked towards the mirror so that she was standing before it. It was very tall—as tall as the ceiling. It had an ornate gold frame and stood on two clawed feet. The inscription carved around the top read, "Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi," which sounded like another language to Lily.  
  
Her eyes roved to the mirror itself, where she expected to see her reflection... But she didn't JUST see her reflection. She saw the reflection of a boy, about eleven (like herself) with untidy black hair, spectacles, and hazel eyes standing behind her. He was smiling at her, holding out his hand for her to take...  
  
"J... James?"  
  
Lily leapt around, searching for James Potter who, according to the mirror, should have been standing right behind her.  
  
But he wasn't. She was still alone in a room with nothing but a mirror and two torches. Lily glanced back at the mirror, and it appeared James was still there, except she couldn't see him. Gulping, Lily extended her hand to feel if perhaps he was invisible and the mirror showed invisible people. Nope. No James Potter there.  
  
Lily suddenly felt a rush of disappointment. Any familiar face, even James's, would have made being lost a lot less scary. He was, after all, the first person she'd met at King's Cross, and it was his family who had told her how to get through Platform 9 and ¾. They led her to school, so couldn't he lead her back?  
  
It appeared he wanted to, in the mirror at least. He was still holding out his hand with a fond smile on his face.  
  
"Where do I go?" Lily asked James's reflection. She put her hand up to the mirror, to where his hand would be.  
  
James beamed at her, pointing over his shoulder to a mirror on the other side that hadn't been there before.  
  
Lily whirled around and saw that there WAS a mirror there now. It was standing as tall as the Mirror Of Erised (the title she had gotten from the frame) and was probably the same mirror that she'd come through.  
  
"Thank you, James!" Lily whispered over her shoulder. "Can I get through it?"  
  
Mirror James nodded, pointing for her to walk through.  
  
"And I can find my way out?"  
  
James walked up to the mirror and breathed against it until it was foggy. With one finger he wrote,  
  
You can find exactly what you were looking for.  
  
Lily sighed in relief and waved good-bye to Mirror James. Making a beeline for the other mirror, Lily noticed the inscription on the Mirror of Erised made SENSE through another mirror. "I show not your face but your heart's desire," she read. With that she walked through the mirror and back onto the platform with all the doors, except this time she could make out the staircase just down the hall.  
  
Lily would find that she wouldn't ever be able to find her way back to the magical room with mirrors (not in her waking hours, anyways), but she had found her heart's desire.  
  
She just hadn't known it at the age of eleven.

* * *

Lily felt as though she'd dropped twenty feet after having a sharp blow to the head—which was exactly what happened—every inch of her ached. With difficulty, Lily opened her eyes.  
  
She was in the hospital wing. It was probably very late at night, since the moon was out and it was dark. Lily looked at her bedside table, where a few candies and "Get Well Soon!" cards were laid out.  
  
Mind buzzing, Lily wondered how on earth she could have ended up in the hospital wing. The last thing she could remember was James coercing her into a game of Quidditch and...  
  
James! The dream flooded back to her. Only, it hadn't been a dream; it was a memory that she had long since forgotten.  
  
In first year in the first week of classes, Lily had gotten lost. She had tried every stairway imaginable to get back to Gryffindor tower, but she couldn't find the right one. Eventually, she'd ended up in The Hall of Doors and somehow found herself in a maze of mirrors. The Mirror of Erised (or of Desire) had been real as well.  
  
And what Lily had seen in the mirror was what she'd seen in real life: James Potter leading her out of her place of fear and back to Main Hogwarts. But for some reason, Lily had forgotten about the mirror, forgotten about the maze and Mirror James. That is, until a day two years later...  
  
That's what Lily had gone to confront James about in the library. She'd wanted to tell him that she... she...  
  
Lily in the hospital wing realized that, even back then, she'd had no words to say to him. She just had to see him, to tell him something that was unable to be put into words.  
  
He was, after all, her heart's desire.  
  
But her heart had been shattered when she saw James in the library with Abigail O'Brien. It was as though her heart had stopped beating and her whole world went raw. She felt dizzy and aching, and had left the library as quickly as she could.  
  
James Potter had broken her heart, and he wasn't even aware of doing so.  
  
And somewhere in the back of Lily's mind, she'd always known that. Every time he asked her out, or when he flirted with her, Lily felt her heart give a twinge of regret. She couldn't hurt like she had when she was only thirteen years old. Not ever again.  
  
But whenever James stepped a toe out of line, she needed to right him again. He'd led her in the right direction when she was lost, why shouldn't she return the favor?  
  
People asked Lily why she never went out with James even though she used to like him. They asked why she was always so hard on him when he was just having a little bit of fun. They asked and they asked and they asked about James Potter.  
  
And Lily had always known the answer. She just didn't want to admit to anyone, even to herself, that she said no because she didn't want to leave the walls she had built up for herself, to hide her broken heart and her unshed tears.  
  
"Yes," Lily decided, a lonely tear building at the corner of one eye, "I do not like flying. I want to stay on the ground and never leave it again."  
  
I never want my heart to shatter ever, ever again.

* * *

Taiyourhoes: I always thought Lily liked James, didn't you? In book five I thought, "She's either a very strict Prefect or a friend trying to straighten out a guy she knows can act better than he's acting."  
  
I was with my sister today and the idea suddenly came to me. "What would Lily and James see if they looked into the Mirror of Erised? Something unexpected?"  
  
I ran to my computer to type it all out, to connect my ideas before they were lost. And then I found that there was a missing link. How would she remember? And then my beautiful AIM icon shouted QUIDDITCH and I followed the advice.  
  
I've been planning the heartbreak thing for a very long time; I'm so glad I've got it committed to page now.  
  
Anyways, I hope you all like this. I'm updating twice in one day, which should keep you all happy for a bit, yeah?  
  
Thanks for reading, review please!  
  
Love from,  
  
Tomfoolery =D 


	12. Submerged

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own any names, places, or things from the Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling. Because I don't.

* * *

Did You Find What You Were Looking For

Chapter 12: Submerged

By: Taiyourshoes

* * *

Lily Evans retraced her steps in the maze over and over again in her mind. What reality could she have lived through if she'd only passed that mirror, been lost in the labyrinth until the end of her days? She certainly would have been worse off... But she wouldn't have to feel alone, even around people, as she did now.

Tabitha Hawkins and Hailey Cavendish came to visit Lily early the next morning, filling her in on the classes she'd missed (as Lily had been unconscious from Saturday through Monday night—Who knew Lily Evans was such a swooner?) and the homework she'd have to do. After telling her that even after falling twenty or so feet from a broom, she still looked stunning they left for breakfast in the Great Hall. Lily was surprised that she was happy to see them go.

Later that day, Trista Cunningham came in to apologize for hitting her with a bludger, and was quite relieved when Lily waved it off as an accident, possibly because Lily had nearly run Trista off her broom or because Trista had sent such a lovely box of Chocolate Frogs with her Get Well Soon card. After a few minutes of awkward conversation, in which Lily learned quite a bit about the sporty Ravenclaw, Trista was shooed from the hopital by Madame Pomfrey, insisting Lily needed to take some sort of potion. Again, Lily was happy to be alone with her own thoughts.

Near dinner, Lily was quite surprised (and perhaps put out after her past night's dream) to see Abigail O'Brien by her bedside.

"Oh, Lily, you're awake! The prefects have been so worried that you'd died or something, and I've been coming everyday to make sure that wasn't true!" Abigail said quickly, playing with a handkerchief as she did this. "James Potter seemed especially worried at first, to tell you the truth. When you fell he was the first player on the ground, and he was the one that brought you in."

Lily plastered a polite smile on her face, not wanting to hear about James Potter very much longer, especially from her dear friend Abigail O'Brien.

"Funny thing though, he seemed pretty happy after he'd dropped you off. It was almost unnatural," Abigail admitted, making up her face.

"I'm sure he's just left a witty card asking me to wake up so we can plan our wedding or something childish," Lily rolled her eyes.

Abigail chuckled. "I don't doubt that." Smiling, Abigail straightened out her handkerchief (which she'd been holding like her baby) and made to fold it when Lily caught the eye of the initials sewed onto the side.

"C.R.?" Lily asked in disbelief, getting up for a closer look. A pain seared down her back but she ignored it—she'd been feeling pain worse than that of the physical since last night. "Like Connor Rosier, C.R.?!"

After making so many potions with the boy, Lily knew his initials very well. She just hadn't gotten to know his taste in women, apparently.

Abigail suddenly broke into a large smile. "Err, yeah. Remember when he called me a 'little Ravenclaw' on the Hogwarts Express? Well... I might have tackled him the next day and... I suppose we hit it off."

"By beating him?" Lily raised an eyebrow, truly dumbfounded.

Abigail let out an awkward giggle. "When you put it that way it sounds terribly stupid."

Lily crinkled her nose, thinking. "Sorry then. It's just hard to believe that Slytherins would ever..." Noticing the look on Abigail's face go sour, Lily tried to turn her words in a better direction. "I just mean—well, it doesn't matter. Connor is very nice and you two will be very, err, happy with one another. I just don't get how it happened, is all."

"Oh," Abigail said shortly, looking up at the ceiling in thought. "Well after I tackled him, he asked why I'd do that so out of the blue." She grinned. "He forgot he'd said anything mean at all. Apparently, being a complete bastard is just a reflex of his. Connor said he'd never met a girl so willing to stand up for herself before, and was just impressed, I guess. After that he made an effort to see me and the rest is just pointless to anyone but me." Abigail sighed deeply, clutching the handkerchief closer to her person.

"It's great that you've found someone good for you, Abigail. I'm really glad," Lily informed honestly.

"I'm sure," Abigail beamed. " I'll tell the prefects you're better." With that, the small girl walked out of the hospital wing as if on a cloud, stuffing the handkerchief into her pocket as she went. Lily could almost swear she could hear her humming show tunes down the hallway.

Silently, Lily wondered if she'd ever start breaking out into song over a boy. Moreover, she wondered if that boy would be James Potter.

Sighing, Lily laid her head back down and prepared for another nap before she would have to return to the real world.

* * *

James Potter was happy. No, happy wasn't even the word for what he was feeling. James Potter was SO happy, Sirius Black had made repeated attempts to feel his forehead, "Just to make sure you're all right!"

Lily had said his name; not just his surname, but his wonderful, marvelous, one syllable first name! Given, she'd probably been plotting his murder for letting her fall whilst she dreamed, but who says she'd remember that upon waking? The point was, Lily Evans had been asleep ("knocked out, Prongs, there's a difference") and had said one thing the entire three days she was in her catatonic state. "James."

She'd been DREAMING about him.

Oh yes, James Potter was happy, giddy, joyous, euphoric... And now, he'd gotten wind that she was awake.

She hadn't died and for the first time in James's presence, his name had crossed her lips.

Her very nice lips, James might add.

"So how do you plan on winning her over, now that she knows how to say your first name and everything?" Sirius asked.

Suddenly, the band stopped playing, the sky went overcast, and the distant sound of thunder erupted through the air.

James had been so busy doing his happy dance, he'd forgotten to plan a clever thing to do when Lily woke up. There were no roses planned, no singing elves, no anniversary bludgers...

In short, he was doomed.

If he tried to talk to her, she might tell him to sod off, tell him to do the world a favor and drown. Or worse: call him by his last name again. Potter, Potter, Potter, Potter, Potter...

How could he handle it if Lily Evans just ripped the shiny bit of hope from him, just as he'd seen the shimmer of it?

She still needed persuasion. He'd have to owl a jeweler.

"Lily might call you 'sugar muffin'," Remus shrugged, setting up his exploding snap cards.

"Or 'prat'. You know, tradition and all," Sirius reminded, unconcerned.

James gave a frustrated sigh. "But what if she doesn't call me pet names? What if she calls me Potter and I can never get to use HER first name? I've practiced it and everything!" he whined, slamming his fist onto the table.

Sirius blinked at him. "Her name is two syllables long; did you have to practice a lot, Prongs?"

"It's HOW you say it, PADFOOT," James glowered. "She might think I'm being too pricky or too uninterested if I say it the wrong way."

"So long as you don't call her Frank, I'm sure you can talk to her."

"Thanks, Moony."

* * *

Lily walked down to the Great Hall after a short nap, while stretching out her sore muscles until she felt the pain intensify, then release.

She'd only just had time to hurry to Gryffindor tower to change when Amelia Cavendish ran up to her, informing her that she still had detention with McGonagall that night.

"Lovely. Thank you, Miss Cavendish," Lily said, eyes narrowing.

So Lily would have to spend yet another two nights in James Potter's presence before she could OFFICIALLY avoid him like the plague.

Drat.

When Lily reached the Great Hall, she glanced up and down Gryffindor table for sign of the Head Boy. Sure enough, James sat somewhere in the middle of a crowd, digging his way through a dinner roll and mashed potatoes. After a minute, Lily realized she was staring and decided to invest her time in more worthy matters, such as getting a life.

Sighing, Lily found a seat toward the end of the table, quite close to Nearly Headless Nick. Lily made sure not to touch the ghost, as that never made for a pleasant feeling. She'd barely sat down, however, when she felt a tap on her shoulder. Fearing the worst (namely James), Lily cautiously turned to face the person behind her.

Connor Rosier stood before her, eyebrows raised and a tint of color on his typically pale face. A few Gryffindors had halted their conversations and were quietly whispering to each other while casting uncertain glances at him and Lily.

"So the rumors are true: you ARE alive," he commented evenly, casting a weary glance towards his House table, then to the rest of the staring school. It seemed to have gotten significantly quieter (and much more gossipy) since he walked up to Lily. This, Lily assumed, was simply a side effect of the traditional Slytherin-Gryffindor house rivalry.

Why would anyone from one house CHOOSE to associate with someone from the other?

"Barely," Lily smiled. She was surprised to find that she was actually HAPPY to see someone for the first time all day, partially because he was someone who didn't pretend to know her but did anyway, and partially because she wanted to pry into his love life.

Okay, it was just because she wanted to pry into his love life.

If Connor really did have genuine feelings for anyone (and who was Lily to doubt that those feelings were for Abigail?) it was certainly a noticeable change. He gave all signs of a man smittened, what with his constant smile, the color on his cheeks, and the glimmer in his typically dull eyes.

"I didn't send you a Get Well Card, but I did want you well," he assured, feigning casualty. Lily was noticing more and more heads turn to the two of them. Why did everyone care so much?

"Speaking of getting well..." Lily led in, "I heard Abigail O'Brien managed to pin you to the floor. Bruises gone?"

Connor definitely blushed that time. "I didn't have bruises," he muttered defensively before a smile flitted across his face. "But the girl CAN hit hard."

Lily laughed. Connor didn't seem like the same hoity toity, snotty boy he usually was when in public. Instead, there was something... softer about him

Obviously, his mind was elsewhere.

"Thanks for the well wishes, Rosier. See you," Lily waved, suddenly a bit sadder than before. The students in the Great Hall went back to their own conversations as Rosier returned to his respective table full of glaring Slytherins. No doubt, rumors regarding the Head Girl and Slytherin Prefect would soon be in circulation.

Fleetingly, Lily wondered why Connor would risk his reputation just for a bit of small talk. Did it have anything to do with Abigal O'Brien? After all, they sort of met through Lily, as he'd first talked to Abigail when visiting with Lily. Maybe he wanted to thank Lily in his own way?

Lily turned back to her plate. Connor seemed so different. He was never MEAN, necessarily, but he was ALWAYS condescending towards muggle borns, including Lily at times, and half-bloods, like Abigail. Lily hoped this change would last.

She didn't want either of her friends hurt. She'd felt that kind of hurt before.

Her gravy and peas suddenly looked like a swamp of drowning green people sinking beneath the potatoes. And that, Lily decided, was exactly how she felt: Submerged.

Twenty minutes later, McGonagall came up behind Lily and told her to report to Filch for detention. Before leaving, McGonagall gave Lily a smile and said she was glad Lily was better, but she should NEVER fly without a teacher present EVER again.

Confidence level: low.

Lily watched as the last pea sunk beneath the surface of her gravy.

Nothing left but to float back up now, right?

Lily lifted herself from the table, found James Potter still eating (though with less liveliness than before), and made her way to Filch's office alone.

Detention with Filch was always so much fun.

* * *

Taiyourshoes: And so ends the Liy arc. Haha, potatoes and peas. I'm so lame. But hey, food can inspire thought.... It does for me anyway.

Lily has been the main character up until this point, but I'm passing the torch along to James now. We know everything about Lily— her past, her background, and her new resignation to stop wallowing and go back to being Head Girl Lily. (She's "floating back up" ) Thus, James is pilot now.

Thanks for the awesome reviews for last chapter. I was so excited to see those many messages from botfiction in my inbox. And no, Tiger Lily21, the fic definitely isn't over yet. ;)

I'm planning (note, that is JUST planning) on having a couple chaptered fic on the Evans family. But I may have to rip the torch from Prongs for a time to show you what happened between Lily and Petunia, instead of having a spin-off. It's something I've been planning, but I still don't know when to drop the bomb.

Heh, don't trust me with explosives... E-V-E-R.

At any rate, thanks again, guys. Review please!


	13. The Old Flame

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own any names, places, or things from the Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling. Because I don't.

* * *

Did You Find What You Were Looking For

Chapter 12: The Old Flame

By: Taiyourshoes

* * *

James made his way to Filch's office, stalling as much as possible. Would Lily be angry? He'd deliberately avoided looking at her throughout dinner and hadn't seen her leave the Great Hall. Who knew if she'd hexed him already?

When he rounded the corner he spotted Filch and Lily a few meters off. Lily was quietly waiting with her arms folded, thinking, and she only glanced up momentarily to acknowledge his presence before staring at her feet again. James noticed that she didn't LOOK much like she'd fallen off a broom. He decided not to make this a point of conversation, however, to avoid any bouts of fury by Lily Evans...

Five minutes later, after threats from Filch and mumblings about disembowelment, Lily and James were set to work on scrubbing the suits of armor along the second floor corridor. This, as it turned out, was a rather large feat. They weren't allowed to use magic, had to get the difficult places inside the helmet, and all to the disagreement of the suits of armor.

James could have sworn one showed him a rude hand gesture when he turned around.

They worked in silence most of the night. What was there to say? By the time the clocks chimed midnight there was only one suit left.

"D'you think we should finish it together? We might get it done faster," James offered. He was being terribly gentlemanly about it, and he hoped she noticed.

Lily shrugged, being careful to keep her eyes on the armor, and they both set to work on the suit of armor's base.

This could be his chance to talk to her. Maybe she'd call him James again, or sugar muffin. No matter. All he'd have to do is start the conversation. But what could he say that wouldn't come off as pricky?

Daringly, he put his rag down and looked across at her, intending to make a remark about how much they'd finished already. But when he peered at her over his glasses, her green eyes were already looking over at him. More shocking still, she didn't turn away when she noticed his gaze being returned.

In that moment, James saw something in her eyes he'd never seen before. Something that wasn't anger, nor amusement, nor annoyance. It was something he'd seen when looking at Sirius after he showed up on his doorstep, explaining that he needed a place to stay. It was something he could see in Remus when the full moon neared. It was something he could spot in Peter at times when he was entirely separate from the rest of them, sticking out like more of sore thumb than a best friend.

This was the first time James Potter really saw Lily Evans. She wasn't putting up a front of perfection for the rest of the world in an attempt to prove herself every bit as good a witch as any pureblood, nor was she looking entirely comfortable in the skin she was given.

Lily Evans was just Lily Evans. Born a muggle and a witch, destined for ridicule in school for being "too weird" or "too different," and then labeled the same by a few too many students when she finally entered the world where she belonged.

But James doubted that was where this torment came from. He remembered the glow in her eyes, the warmth that resonated from them, and noticed that while there was warmth in her eyes there was also a heartbreaking coldness.

He wondered why he'd never noticed it before.

In an instant, the coldness vanished and any trace of pain was gone. "Sorry for ruining your Quidditch game," she said quietly, a soft smile creeping onto her face.

James, gaining his composure again, gave a broad smile. "Why, Evans, I thought you'd have forgotten about that, with the way you hit your head against the ground when you fell. Can you still do math?"

Lily gave a sarcastic grin. "Why, can you?"

"Just as well as ever."

"So not too well, then."

"Guess not."

She chuckled and lifted herself to her feet. James followed suit.

"I think Rusty, here," Lily gestured towards the suit of armor, "won't tell if we just skip doing the inside his helmet. Right, Rusty?"

It may have just been a figment of his imagination, but James could have sworn the suit of armor smirked at her. Shaking his head, he and Lily cleared up all the cleaning products. Together they returned everything to Filch's office, careful to dump it all on his desk in the messiest way possible, and walked back to Gryffindor tower and through the portrait hole.

"'Night, Potter," Lily waved, beginning to walk up the stairs. James frowned at the sound of his last name, once again, crossing her lips. At least she didn't hiss it at him.

He was about to head off to his room when a thought struck him. "Goodnight to you too... _Lily_."

James heard a thump as Lily tripped on her way up the stairs.

Lovely. James could only hope another concussion wouldn't be involved.

* * *

Lily Evans shut the door behind her once she'd entered her dormitory. She rubbed her knee, which had suffered from the impact of her last fall, and collapsed onto her four poster.

She hadn't heard James Potter use her first name since before he made his little... club with the Gryffindor boys in their year. It had just surprised her, is all. It wasn't a big deal or anything.

Well, it shouldn't be, anyway.

Still, Lily couldn't help but wonder what it meant that he used her first name. Why not Evans? He'd always used Evans. Always.

It would be like Abigail O'Brien calling her sugar muffin... Except less creepy.

After a few minutes of debate, Lily began to drift off to sleep. Silently, she decided she'd try calling him James next time she saw him.

Maybe it meant they were becoming friends. What was the bad in that?

* * *

So he'd said it. James had said her first name. It just took a little bit of pushing and then it rolled out, simple as that.

And then she tripped.

She MUST be in love with him. That or she lacked any kind of coordination.

James pat himself on the back for so obviously wooing her with his charm.

Once inside his room he checked to see if anyone else was awake—which wouldn't be a surprise to him, as his friends were usually planning a prank or hexing one another before bed, as was their custom. James was disappointed to see that everyone in the room had their drapes pulled around their four-posts and he could faintly make out the sound of Peter's snores and Sirius mumbling something in his sleep.

Now whom would he share his triumph with?

Deciding he'd talk their ear off later, he peeled his bedsheets down, preparing to get into them... When he found a note sitting on his mattress. More than curious, he unfolded the parchment.

His gaze shifted to the signature, but it wasn't from Lily (as he'd hoped), but from... Hailey Cavendish? Was she in Gryffindor? He couldn't really be sure, as all the female population was throwing themselves at him constantly. He couldn't possibly tell one girl from another anymore.

When one is as rich, popular, and charming as James Potter, one needs to hire bodyguards just to keep the swarms off!

That or James had a terrible memory. Same thing.

Snapping out of his thoughts, James read on.

James—

I heard you were Quidditch Captain this year and I wanted to know when you'd be holding tryouts for the vacant position of beater. I was really hoping to talk to you face to face about this, but I forgot that you had detention tonight with Lily Evans. So if you could, would you meet me tomorrow before breakfast in the empty classroom on the fourth floor? I'd really appreciate it if we could talk about this season. Thanks.

Hailey Cavendish

James paused when he was through for several reasons. First, he realized he completely forgot to plan Quidditch tryouts. Which was stupid, as Quidditch was usually his main focus and he'd been thinking about the team all summer. James decided to place the blame on Lily Evans, as she'd been occupying his thoughts so much lately. Second, it occurred to him that it was a little weird that someone would want to meet with him, face to face, over the house Quidditch tryouts. When the time came, wouldn't he just put up a notice?

All the same he told himself he'd meet this Hailey Cavendish tomorrow morning. What would be the bad in that?

* * *

Hailey was already there when he arrived. She did look familiar, James noted when she turned to face him. He was certain he'd seen her sparkling blue eyes before, staring at him in class or something.

"Hey," she greeted, walking between desks to meet him at the door. When there was only about three feet between them she halted, staring up at him.

He was CERTAIN he'd seen those blue eyes before... but where?

"You wanted to know when tryouts were, right?" James asked, putting his school bag on the floor beside him. "I am thinking of having them this Saturday, but I'm putting up a notice in the Common Room as soon as I ask McGonagall if we can reserve the pitch."

"What positions are open?" she asked. For some reason, James got the impression she wasn't entirely interested in Quidditch. She was gazing at him as if in a trance.

He listed off the positions, wanting to get down to breakfast. Hailey was perfectly nice and obviously very pretty, but he didn't feel too comfortable in her presence. There was something about her...

Sure, he could have just seen her in passing, but there was something COMPLETELY familiar about her eyes that caused him to wonder if there was ever more to their relationship than just two strangers going to the same school.

"Are you wondering where you know me from?" she asked slowly, crossing her arms knowingly.

"You don't remember? Don't worry, I don't blame you. I didn't remember you were the same James until recently. You look so different."

Still confused, James could only stare. That's when she took another step forward, surprising him.

"You were always so cute. I remember your mother making cookies for us. I'd force you to be in my little tea parties, and sometimes we'd go on the swings in your back yard. The longer we played, the more we felt like it was the end of the world when my mother would call me home. I had no idea you were a wizard. I didn't know I was a witch until so much later."

Hailey had been staring at his feet, but her eyes finally met his once again. She took a step closer. "We promised to see each other again. I looked for you, but you moved soon after I did."

It was then that James remembered her.

"I never forgot that promise. You were the first boy I ever... I ever..."

She didn't finish her sentence. Instead, she leaned over until he could see every freckle on her face...

* * *

Memories from the past flooded his mind: a birthday party, a kissing game, and a promise to remember each other always, always. He was so little when she moved away, how could he remember her now?

James headed back to the Entrance Hall, dazed.

"I'm sorry," Hailey had said, taking a step back. "You probably don't even remember me."

He did, but he didn't tell her that. Instead he watched as she slipped past him and hurried out the door.

When he entered the Great Hall, he caught sight of Lily Evans taking a seat beside Peter. A surge of guilt ran through him.

Women, always throwing themselves at him... How was he supposed to wait forever for Lily to come to her senses?

But then there was the question of, how could he not?

* * *

Taiyourshoes: Hmmm... I had a few doubts about this chapter. There was so much of it I didn't like. I was just writing nonsense, trying to get the chapter out. Eventually, I gave up. And then I wrote this.

I really didn't like the whole Hailey Cavendish thing much since I hadn't set up for it, but a friend of mine said this:

"i think what you've got leaves plenty of room for Lily and James to maybe "mature" a little. And I wanna know what Lily's gonna do.... about the whole thing. Ehehehehe, hurray for sticky situations! Much tension, much drama, and it'll keep the momentum of the story going."

And so I decided to stick to it and try to fit it in as much as possible. I really hoped it worked out.

Hailey is Amelia's sister, if anyone was wondering. Cavendish and Cavendish. Muggle born.

I have to say, I am much more comfortable writing about Lily than James. I get girls better, so of course I really miss writing about Lily. But we don't need to hear any more about her, really (except little pieces), so I'm going to try my best to let everyone know about James's ... first love, shall we say?

OR maybe I will just go back to Lily. Who knows what goes through my head? Other than me, and that's only half the time.

Man this was really OOC James, wasn't it? Drattles. It will get better, we're just, er, seeing another side of him!

Until next time, folks. Review and tell me what you think. I need to know where to go!


	14. His and Her Romance

Disclaimer: Story character and places by JKR (congrats on your new baby!) and title from Masami Tsuda, His and Her Circumstances.

* * *

A/N: I fully could not be sorrier. I am not worthy of thee, I swear. High school has treated me so badly I've had no time, though that's no excuse. 

Feel free to mass email me with complaints if I take a 5 or so month hiatus ever again.

This chapter is broken up into three parts because they weren't near long enough to be chapters on their own. Don't let the title deceive you… This chapter doesn't suck as bad as you think. Or maybe it does. Review and tell me?

* * *

Did You Find What You Were Looking For 

Chapter 14: His and Her Romance

By: Taiyourshoes

* * *

Part I: Milestones

* * *

"Hi, James." 

He wasn't sure he'd heard her right. James choked on his pumpkin juice and Sirius had to beat him on the back until he could breathe again. Lily jumped back and widened her eyes, color rising to her face. She'd just thought she should try to be friendlier; she hadn't known he'd nearly kill himself.

Only she was allowed to do that.

James had been thinking aboutHailey and how best to approach that situation when Lily walked behind him. The last thing he was expecting was for her to jerk him around all over again and call him James. He was so sure it was just dream lusting.

Nope, she was totally in love with him

Not that he was expecting it: that was the problem.

"He's very sorry, Evans. This is just James's way of saying good morning to you too," Sirius explained, shaking his head solemnly. "It's an affliction."

Lily forced a smile, which ended up looking more like a disgusted grimace, and ran to meet up with Hailey Cavendish at the door. Hailey observed the scene with a sad smile that Lily didn't catch.

A week later James stood on the Quidditch pitch, the air crisp in the early fall. His broom was gripped tightly in one hand, the other held over his eyes as he watched the Gryffindor tryouts.

"She isn't bad," one of his teammates mentioned, smiling. "Hailey would make a pretty good beater. Seems to have a lot of pent-up… energy."

James rolled his eyes at the innuendo. In the past week there were rumors buzzing around about his life behind closed doors. For some reason beyond him, many of them involved Hailey Cavendish.

The others contained Lily Evans.

Obviously Sirius needed to invest in a life and stop handing out flyers involving James' romances. The boy's imagination was a little much, especially when James was certain he'd never gotten to any base with either girl. Not on purpose anyways. The kisses he had with Hailey when they were kids hardly counted, and the smallest peck in the classroom surely couldn't count as the devilish things Sirius suggested.

"Thanks, Diggle. I do think she'd make a good addition to the team."

James wasn't doing well in the art of quipping.

As to where Lily Evans was concerned…

He was really starting to think there was something there; more so than usual even. She had used his first name at breakfast, and seemed completely friendly to him that morning. But slowly the whole school was becoming aware of his history with Hailey and Lily seemed to back off completely.

Increasingly, James was growing aware of the fact that Hailey was something of a catch. After all, she was pretty, athletic, had a history with him, and seemed genuinely interested in him, and not just the James Potter everyone else saw.

She seemed to like the human part of him that he learned to cover up. The part of him he hadn't seen since he was little.

The part of him that really did like Hailey, and the one that promised to marry her when he knew how. What he felt for her though…. What was it?

And what did he feel for Lily Evans?

* * *

Lily sat on the bed in her dormitory, watching the pages of her book flip as she twirled it about with her wand. She was completely bored with the whole situation. 

She liked James. She knew that now. But everyone knew that SOMETHING had happened with Hailey and James in a classroom, and it wasn't as if Lily wanted to get together with him anyways. It's not like he was her heart's desire or anything.

Love: so overrated.

That coupled with the fact that Hailey had been doing everything in her power to get James to notice her (which was completely the opposite of what people were used to. Tabitha Hawkins was the flirt; Hailey Cavendish was the quiet, tom-boy tag-along that everyone knew but wasn't very close too). Tabitha had this to say:

"I don't know for sure what happened, Lily. It was like one night she was completely quiet at dinner and then she was like, 'Tabby, how long has your family known the Potters?' And I said, 'Since I was about seven. That's when he moved to my area.' And then she was really quiet and she kept glancing down at him. It was totally unlike her.

"I think she likes him or something, Lils. I've never seen her like a boy before, but she is showing all the signs: the hair, the make-up, the attention to wrinkles on her clothes. It's crazy, but I think she's really cliché-ly fallen for James Potter."

Lily could agree to all of that. Hailey had even asked her how to get her hair to be all… wavyish like hers. Later that day Lily saw her walking around with her hair down for once in waves; like Lily's, but more impressive.

And then the fact that Hailey was working really hard to get on the team and talk to James about it all the time was extremely peculiar. As Lily was thinking about all this, Hailey was down on the field, probably snuggling up next to James.

Ew. Seriously, eww.

Lily wouldn't really be worried if that nagging voice in her head didn't keep saying, "What? Did you expect him to wait for you forever? Just remember Abigail O'Brien."

Growling, Lily broke the levitating charm on her book (thus emitting a large thud upon impact) and threw it against the wall. Why was she so stupid? Falling for James again was the last thing she should be doing. He was a prat, a jerk, a complete, arrogant bastard!

So why did he make her feel like this?

Deciding that life shouldn't be this much of a cheesey soap-opera, Lily left the room, wand in hand.

* * *

"What are you doing, Evans?" Connor asked, bemused to see the Gryffindor girl sending sparks at helpless pieces of paper levitating in the air. 

"Target practice," she said darkly. "Something I can help you with?"

"Yes, actually," he said, feigning apathy. "If you were dating Abigail O'Brien and her birthday happened to be in a week, what would you get her?"

The pieces of paper dropped. "You guys are exclusive? And you aren't afraid of what the other Slytherins will say?"

Connor avoided eye contact. "To hell with them."

"Good for you," rallied Lily. "I say go with something simple, as you've only been dating for a few weeks. Something sentimental, like something that will remind her of time you two've spent together."

"Like a picture?"

Lily snorted. "Yes. Nothing says you care more than the most cliché gift in the history of ever.

"Try something that reminds you of her," she continued. "Chances are it'll remind her of you too."

Later Lily realized that a huge milestone in Hogwarts history had been met: A Slytherin came to a Gryffindor for advice.

When Abigail O'Brien unwrapped the teddy bears (the female bludgeoning the other in the back of the head, but cutely so, card attached reading: I think he's falling for her, don't you think?) on her birthday another milestone was reached: the first time, to Lily's knowledge, a Slytherin and Gryffindor fell head over heels for each other in less than a month.

* * *

Part II: The Letters

* * *

Dear Mother and Father, 

I got your letter forbidding me to marry "a wretched mudblood of poor class," but since I am not marrying anyone of the sort I'm not taking your words to heart. Again I remind you that your presence at the wedding is not necessary, and what I do when I graduate Hogwarts is no one's business but my own.

--Connor

* * *

Dear Mr. And Mrs. Cavendish, 

This is Tabitha, Hailey's friend from school, writing to inform you that Hailey will be staying for break. She wishes to apologize that Christmas will be spent away for the first time, but as this is her last year at Hogwarts she wants to end it with a bang. After all, things just seem to be turning around for her.

If you were curious she's out with James Potter right now, studying in some undisclosed location.

Why am I writing this letter and not your daughter? Because she said she wouldn't ask for Mrs. Cavendish's wonderful Christmas cake for me, so I had to do it. This is me, pleading. PLEASE and I'll make sure I track down your daughter and make sure that when she says she's studying she really isn't in a broom closet with that scallywag of a boyfriend.

Merry Christmas,

Tabitha Hawkins 

PS: Just kidding Mr. And Mrs. C. You're daughter would never EVER be alone in the broom closet with anyone… Just like she wouldn't ever TAKE HER BEST FRIEND BY THE BLOODY EAR AND BLUDGEON HER TO DEATH FOR ALMOST NO REASON. Seriously, Hails, stop!

* * *

Mum and Dad, (can I call you Mum and Dad? No? Okay, Mr. And Mrs. Potter then) 

Please save your son. James' new girlfriend is very nice, very pretty, and very in-your-face… all the time. I think he's starting to like someone other than Lily Evans for the first time ever, and it's scaring me. Send help immediately.

Love,

The Sirius (Oh yes, I need an article)

PS: Send cookies also. We're staying at Hogwarts for break.

* * *

Dear Diary, 

I am, as always, coming home for break. The last few months have been the longest and most irritating of all time and I can't wait to be free of it all for two weeks.

As to the happenings here since September, I've managed to successfully fall off a broomstick and conk out for a weekend, get detention with a boy I despise, find a crush only to have him fall in love with another, and have my roommate not only fall in love but get engaged in a matter of three months. Impressive, yeah?

James Potter is a source of most of my frustrations, though for a different reason than in previous years. My sources (Abigail, who insists she knows everything) say I liked him and am still in shock that he accepted Hailey's plea to become boyfriend and girlfriend. I say it's just bloody annoying to walk in on them standing close to each other, looking completely reminiscent of olden days when I'm working my ass off to finish the work I have as one of the head students.

Who am I fooling? I'm completely frustrated because James and I have finally become more friends than mortal enemies and NOW he's decided to give up liking me. Jerk.

I find myself distracted more than ever, what with three of my roommates constantly gibbering about boys every hour of the day. Abigail and Connor have found more of themselves in each other than could have ever been imagined, and for the first time their smiles never waver by the sway of the wind. They are truly in love and understand each other in every way that I (as only their friend) could not. As a result all I hear from Abby is quibbles about the wonder that is Connor Rosier and how love is the best thing E.V.E.R. Hailey isn't so hyper about Potter, perhaps for my benefit, but she'll slip him into conversation sometimes. She never talks to me anymore. I'm getting the feeling she's intimidated by me, or I by her. I'm not sure which. Tabitha has always been boy obsessed, but since she's started to feel "left out" because everyone in the room has a boyfriend (I seem to not count as a dorm occupant) she just takes to complaining about how boys are stupid and don't know a good thing if it's staring them in the face. Never mind the fact that she's out dating one nightly.

Love is for suckers. I can't wait to get away from this mess when school lets out.

Lily Evans

* * *

Dear Man-Journal… or whatever the hell you call this thing, 

Hailey's staying for Christmas, thus hindering the annual MaraudersGetBlindDrunk-a-thon on New Years Eve. Am bummed.

The side of me that adores Hailey very much is quite happy that she's staying. However, the alcoholic in me must disagree.

Lily's going home, not that that's important. Maybe I can get her off my mind and be a good boyfriend for once.

Here's me hoping.

JP

* * *

Part III: The Romance

* * *

"Come on, James. Just one picture," Hailey pleaded, laughing as he hid behind a tree much smaller than himself. "Oh, because I can't see you now." 

"I have an invisibility cloak and I'm not afraid to use it!" threatened James in reply, picking up a chunk of snow and tossing it blindly behind him as he ran off to another tree.

"Fiend!" she wiped the snow from her face. "You think a bit of snow will daunt me?"

The tree above her shook and a healthy bit of snow toppled onto her hair, sending her off into a fit of outraged giggles. "Is all this worth just one picture?"

"You tell me," he laughed, relenting and coming out from behind the tree. "I hate having my picture taken because I always end up doing something embarrassing in the portrait. Mooning the onlooker, for instance."

Hailey gave him a sideways glance as brushed snow out of her hair. "You win, of course. My parents wouldn't get the right impression if I sent them a picture of you making rude gestures at the camera or something of the like." He smiled in triumph and helped her brush some of the snow off. Mid-swipe she embraced him in a hug he wasn't prepared for.

"We are supposed to be studying," he reminded her.

"I know," she said, showing no signs of letting go. "Our books are right here, so we are studying. We'll call this a closed book session."

"Do I like closed book study sessions?"

"Do you like pelting snowballs at people's heads?"

"Excellent point. We should do this more often."

She smiled into his cheek, taking in the warmth of the moment despite the cold weather. James pulled away after a moment and extended a hand to her instead.

"Come, girlfriend. Let's find something blatantly dishonorable to do before class starts," he said suggestively.

Hailey gave him a coy grin. "Like what? Rob the school kitchens of the Slytherin's desserts?"

"No, but that's a bloody excellent idea! Let us pursue that one!"

Their footprints left on that winter afternoon quickly faded as a new snow fell. Two textbooks lay forgotten beneath a pile of white fluff.

* * *

Abigail entwined her fingers with Connor's, blessing his fingers in turn. He blushed at the gesture. 

"Life is so dull when you aren't around," she admitted, leaning her forehead against his shoulder.

"I know what you mean. In your absence I'm either pacing around my dormitory or imaging our next meeting, although I can do both at once.

"I'm so glad I met you," he added gently, his voice so soft that only she could hear it. They were in the library, pretending to look for a book on dragons. "It was like there was this shadow over my eyelids that only you could take away. When you're not with me it comes back. I don't want it to come back."

She sighed. "It's the same for me, except there wasn't a shadow before I met you. Only when I realized what my life is without you."

"Which is?" he inquired, tilting her chin up to look into her eyes.

"Which is something getting into stuff too sappy for out delicate ears." She kissed his. "I mean really, we're getting married in a few months, but that doesn't mean we have to share all out secrets quite yet." Abigail winked.

We have forever to do that.

Let's hope forever lasts a long time.

* * *

Taiyourshoes: The third part wrote differently than the rest. Go figure. What do you guys think? 

Learning to Breath, by Switchfoot

Hello, good morning, how you do?  
What makes your rising sun so new?  
I could use a fresh beginning too  
All of my regrets are nothing new  
So this is the way that I say I need You  
This is the way  
This is the way that I'm

Learning to breathe  
I'm learning to crawl  
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall  
I'm living again, awake and alive  
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how you been?  
Yesterday left my head kicked in  
I never, never thought that  
I would fall like that  
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

I'm learning to breathe  
I'm learning to crawl  
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall  
I'm living again, awake and alive  
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies  
in these abundant skies  
yeah  
abundant skies  
yeah

This is the way that I say I need You  
This is the way that I say I love You  
This is the way that I say I'm Yours  
This is the way, this is the way that

I'm learning to breathe  
I'm learning to crawl  
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall  
I'm living again, awake and alive  
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies  
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies  
these abundant skies  
yeah, yeah, yeah  
dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how you do?


	15. The War

* * *

Did You Find What You Were Looking For 

Chapter 15: The War

By: Taiyourshoes

* * *

James knew, as soon as winter holiday began, something would happen. Every year he'd been alive something bad happened at Christmastime.

First year, Grandpa Potter's dog was hit by a rampaging mailbox; second, he got lost in the Forbidden Forest and the Marauders teased him for it up until third year, when Lily Evans declared he was a wanker and should die (they found this funnier, and took this as their main point of conversation for months). Last year, his best friend nearly became a murderer while betraying Remus all at once. This had been the hardest Christmas yet.

This is why, it stood to reason, seventh year would be no better. And he was right. The first day of break he heard about an "accident" that happened on his peers' way back home for break. He ran down to breakfast the day after break started and saw Sirius Black and Remus Lupin (Peter was with his mother, who had suddenly become ill) pouring over the Prophet.

Seven muggles and two wizards were killed at King's Cross, despite all possible security measures by Dumbledore. The Dark Lord's subjects managed to claim the lives of hundreds by killing nine. One of the lives that was claimed was Lily's—two out of the seven muggles killed were her parents.

News spread fast at Hogwarts; somehow, mere hours after the unforgivable curses were used, the entire school knew about the muggles' death and the two ministry officials (Gideon and Fabian Prewett) who stepped in the way. All the students knew this meant the holiday season was ruined.

Lily Evans didn't return to school during break, while many other suffering students did. James heard a first year boy, muggleborn, crying in the bathroom stall Christmas morning.

"I beg you to remember," Dumbledore began softly, speaking to the students assembled in the Great Hall for Christmas dinner. "The only way we can brace ourselves for the upcoming hardships is to embrace each other."

Before James went to bed Christmas night, Sirius gave him a brotherly hug. "Forgot to wrap this one, mate."

James said nothing. His predictions left him no words. Somewhere, he knew Lily Evans was crying.

* * *

Lily's legs were working in a weird way, like jello gone bad. She took a taxi from King's Cross to her home that she shared with her sister. The stars looked like tears staining the sky.

She heard her sister talking quickly to herself in the kitchen. Lily had an image of her sister, her very best friend, talking to their parents about how Lily wasn't as much fun as Winnie the Pooh while Lily cried into her mothers lap. The smell of her mother's dress that day was still in her nose.

Lily saw her sister's pacing silhouette and heard the echoing of her footsteps. Her heart began to beat faster. Her mind was stained red. A stranger stood before her.

Petunia's head shot up at her sister. She was shaking.

"D-damn it, Lily," she sobbed. "Damn it."

Lily automatically drew toward her sister, arms reaching out. Her sister lashed out.

"NO! D-don't touch me! Don't come near me, you freak!" Petunia began to sob. Any tears she had held in seemed to break through the dam in her eyes. Rivers poured from her heart onto the ground before Lily could even cross the room.

"WHY! You are so stupid, Lily! So, so stupid!"

Lily felt the wind taken out of her. She froze.

"You decided to go to that school, you decided to learn 'magic.' What is so great about magic if all it does is make our PARENTS 'magically' disappear?

"They're gone, Lily. They're DEAD. Don't you understand what that means? What, are you stupid? Can't you talk? Can't you SAY anything? Are you that stupid? Well! Answer me, you freak! Answer me!"

Lily's image of her sister cooking last summer slipped through her hands like sand. Petunia dropped to her knees, her tears echoing into the emptiness of the earth. Her words came out slowly, slipping into Lily's fingertips and attacking her nerves. "I… I wish you had never been born."

Lily felt her dam beginning to break. She kneeled beside her sister, not daring to touch her like they used to.

"Me too," she said softly, as if uttering a long-kept secret.

Together they wept into the coldness of their old home, mourning the loss of the family they once had and would never have again.

* * *

Abigail O'Brien cried into Connor's sleeve. 

"But… I thought we were in love?" she begged of him. "You promised me—"

Connor looked away, putting a hand over her eyes to shield his own from her tears. "I met someone else. They can offer me more than you could. They can offer me power."

"A girl?"

"Perhaps. Perhaps not."

She let go of his sleeve and put her hand over the one he had on her face. "Don't say that," she cried. "You're lying to me. I don't know why, but you are trying to push me away. Don't do that, let me stand by you."

"I don't want you to stand by me," he said icily. If she could have seen his eyes she might have seen a sparkle of despair betray his words. "You're so pathetic. I can't stand you." He pushed her away, standing and walking to the edge of the balcony. "Look at you; you just hold me back! I need more than you can offer."

Her whimper broke his heart. But he was saving her, wasn't he?

Saving her from his parents, from the Dark Lord's threat against the lives of his loved ones should Connor decide to remain loyal to Dumbledore, but mostly from himself. His thirst for more was consuming him.

"You… you need more than our love?" she asked him through teary eyes. She crawled to his feet and hugged him around the middle. "Connor…"

One tear that contained a million dripped onto the ground miles beneath them. They floated on clouds, but with his tear they crashed. He fell the hardest.

"Pathetic. You're pathetic."

* * *

James stared at the flames in the Common Room, willing the world to dissolve into the wisps of smoke that emanated from the magic of fire. He felt Lily's presence all around him. 

Hailey sat a few feet from him, not staring at the flames.

"You love her, don't you?" she asked, knowing the answer. "Even when we were children, I never belonged in your heart."

She nodded in his silence. Slowly she crawled towards him and tilted his face to hers. Her eyes absorbed his face, the look his eyes were giving her.

Pity. That's what the love of her life felt for her.

The kiss she gave him pleaded, begged, urged him to love her back, but she felt the uselessness of it. She could never complete him, and he could never give himself to her without thinking of someone else.

"I… I am so, so sorry, Hailey."

She hated him for being sorry. She loved him for everything else.

But her love was lost in the wisps of the fire, burning until James poured water on it, hushing it and wished it away. She sat broken in the dark, wishing someone would fix her.

* * *

James found Lily outside of the Portrait hole, staring out at the moonlight at the end of the corridor. He sat beside her, resting his hand on hers. She turned her hand around in his so that their fingers were entwined. 

"You know tragedy, don't you, Potter?"

"Better than I'd like to."

"How do you mean?"

"Well," he started thoughtfully. "My life ended last year, if that's a tragedy."

She paused. "I think I knew that. Something happened with you boys and Snape that Dumbledore decided to keep hush hush. Your head deflated. You weren't the same James anymore."

"Sirius did something that temporarily shattered our friendship. All of what we, the Marauders and I, had become rested between the bonds we'd created with each other, and when that bond was broken—as little a time as it was broken—we were all forced to become something knew."

"Do you regret changing?"

"Do I regret my boyhood ending? Sometimes. And sometimes, a lot of the time, I figure it made me a better person to grow up. I couldn't hide behind my friends anymore. The human James in me had to come out."

In her mind, Lily quite clearly saw a little boy standing in a mirror. "You'll find exactly what you're looking for."

James in the mirror handed her a piece of herself. James in the real world just sat beside her, comforting her with the silence she needed. This, she realized, was the beginning of two things: a war, and a new life.

James Potter would be there for both.

**

* * *

"When I Go Down" RELIENT K**

I'll tell you flat out  
it hurts so much to think of this  
so from my thoughts I will exclude  
this very thing that  
I hate more than everything is  
the way I'm powerless  
to dictate my own moods

I've thrown away  
so many things that could've been much more  
and I just pray  
my problems go away if they're ignored  
but that's not the way it works  
no that's not the way it works

when I go down  
I go down hard  
and I take everything I've learned  
and teach myself some disregard  
when I go down  
it hurts to hit the bottom  
and of the things that got me there  
I think, if only I had fought them

If and when I can  
clear myself of this clouded mind  
I'll watch myself settle down  
into a place where  
peace can search me out and find  
that I'm so ready to be found

I've thrown away  
the hope I had in friendships  
I've thrown away  
so many things that could have been much more  
I've thrown away  
the secret to find an end to this  
and I just pray  
my problems go away if they're ignored  
but that's not the way it works  
no that's not the way it works

Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands  
while my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me  
reprimands me  
then and there  
I confess  
I'll blame all this on my selfishness  
yet you love me  
and that consumes me  
and I'll stand up again  
and do so willingly

You give me hope, and hope it gives me life  
you touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light  
as I exhale I hear your voice  
and I answer you, though I heardly make a noise  
and from my lips the words I choose to say  
seem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praise  
because I love you  
oh God, I love you  
and life is now worth living  
if only because of you  
and when they say I'm dead and gone  
it won't be further from the truth

When I go down  
I life my eyes up to you  
I won't look very far  
cause you'll be there  
with open arms  
to lift me up again  
to life me up again


	16. An Ending

* * *

Did You Find What You Were Looking For 

Chapter 16: An Ending

By: Taiyourshoes

* * *

1979

* * *

I remember, James… How lost I was after my parents died… I asked you to be my escape. I wanted to move fast to escape from the tragedy of that Christmastime. But you told me something I've never forgotten: 

"What's the good of escaping? If you don't face the enemy head-on you can never win, and then you destroy yourself."

I listened to your words and then you listened to me cry myself to sleep. You held me and said you didn't mind that I got you all wet with tears, because my tears were just like little stars at night. You said they were something to wish on. I told you that you were cheesy, but you knew I thought it was sweet.

I know what those tears were now, though: they were the first showers of spring, the melting snow of winter. I didn't know who I was before my parents died. I hid from muggles in the muggle world, and I hid behind my parents in the wizarding world. Without them I lost who I was. With you I found who I had always been.

Did you know I had always loved you? Could you know that I was born to fall in love with you? If you do, I hope you know my answer has to be yes. Yes, I will marry you. Because of you, I can breathe again.

We don't just stop living. We go down the path of eternity and end up back here, together. And that is all I could have hoped to find.

* * *

Lily slowly pulls me to my feet, smiling in that way that tells me I'm in love. A palmers kiss, as our fingers intertwine as if they were grown together. She tilts her head out so I can see out our window. Mars is unusually bright tonight.

* * *

Taiyourshoes: 

This is the first full length story that I have ever completed. Sorry it ended on a down, retard note, but at least it has an ending. I was quite on the money with a 5 month wait, eh? Now I'm just gonna finish up my last story and I'll be out of your hair, at least until HBP comes out.

BTW, special thanks to Christy, who reviewed WHILE I was writing these two chapters. It was kind of an amazing coincidence.

I have a web site in progress for this story. I hope I can finish it someday.

Specials thanks to…

Thank you 1. darkblackfaery132. EgglesUsagi3. libyanauthor4. Lufthansaluvr5. MissMrprk6. nilepharaohess7. Pia O'Leary8. Selenes Song9. silverpheonix210. starborn11. Trojan Cheese who put me on their favs list.

Thank you 1. Brighton Baby2. darkblackfaery133. Dilwys.Auberon4. gopha-gurl5. harrysgal86. libyanauthor7. Lil Miss Lupin8. LostConscience9. MissMrprk10. Moonlight 911. nilepharaohess12. Selenes Song13. StaringStars14. Tiger Lily2115. Tikvah Ariel16. water-lily-113 who have me on their author alert list.

I love you guys, really. Thanks to all those who reviewed and read! I hope you enjoyed the ride.


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